Lolly Daskal

We Need A Courageous Conversation

Posted on 04. Feb, 2012 by lollydaskal.

 
 
What do you do when you have an employee who is great at getting results, meeting their targets, and great with customers, but when it comes to their team, they are abrasive, abusive and condescending? 
 
What do you do when you’re in a relationship and your partner says they will call, and they don't? They say they will show up, but they don't. They say they will be there for you, and they are not. Worse yet, this has been going on for months…  
 
What do you do when you’re in a meeting with your direct report who does all the talking all the time, and never asks for input or feedback? What if your employee is not a team player and it’s really hurting morale?  
 
It is time for an intervention. What kind of intervention? It’s time to have a courageous conversation.  
 
In most organizations, and in our relationships, we’re all so busy being polite with everyone that we’re either not aware of the breakdown, afraid of the breakdown, or avoiding it altogether. We kid ourselves into thinking that if we don’t deal with it, maybe it will go away.  
 
When we fail to engage and say what we honestly think and feel, our business performance will suffer. When what “goes unsaid” is not being said, our relationships will fail.  
 
Here’s how to approach those courageous conversations that need to take place…  
 
Be Courageous: The essence of a courageous conversation is being direct and not fearful. Having a conversation in your head isn’t the same as having a real conversation. Being courageous means being connected to your feelings. Feelings of fear and anxiety create distance. When we are courageous we are fearless. When we act with courage, there is a certain grace that is brought to the conversation. 
 
Be Present: In order to have a courageous conversation, we need to be completely in the moment. Often, in meetings and in relationships where we interact with others, we fail to be fully present. We go through the motions, but we’re not really there, or we’re mentally checked out. In order to have a successful courageous conversation, we need to stay present and engaged. When we are present, we can be more aware of our feelings and the feelings of others. 
 
Be Reflective: In order for us to have a productive courageous conversation, we need to pause and reflect. Sometimes we react without thinking about how our response might impact the person(s) with whom we are interacting. Without pausing, without being reflective, we might choose an inappropriate response. We may say something we will regret. 
 
Be Human: When participating in a courageous conversation, we need to be human. Most of us have a limited vocabulary when expressing our feelings, so we are more likely to offer an automatic or habitual response than to connect heart to heart. When we are human, we have a need to connect, to understand, to listen and to belong. When we are being human, we can bring meaning and energy to the heart of what is important. 
 
Be Attentive: When involved in a courageous conversation, you must be a great listener. Pay close attention and demonstrate sincere interest in the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Be the person who is truly listening by tapping into hidden dialogue, and uncovering what is not being said. When you make more meaningful contact, you are more likely to get the other person’s full attention. 
 
Be Honest: When engaging courageous conversation, we need to be honest and say what we truly feel, without putting off what’s really on our mind. Honesty is not easy. We often repress our true feelings, so much so that sometimes we don't really know what we honestly want. We must be able to be honest and to say what we are truly feeling, seeing, and wanting. To be honest with yourself and others is to honor self. Being honest will set you free. 
 
Be Curious: When involved in a courageous conversation, leave control at the door. Stay open and curious. The more you try to control, the more out of control you will feel. Try to understand what the other is saying. This does not mean you accept what they say as your truth: it simply means you are open to the possibilities. It is essential to remain open and curious, and not judgmental and controlling.  
 
Be Accountable: When having a courageous conversation, being accountable means that you take responsibility for what you say and how you say it. Do not blame, claim or abuse anyone else. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be the one who recognizes that being accountable will help shift the conversation from blame to gaining understanding. 
 
Be Committed: By bringing commitment to your interactions, you learn the power of courageous conversation. Your commitment to be courageous fosters connection. Being committed to courageous conversation will make your communications clear and compelling. It will bring knowing to the unknown. 
 
Lead From Within: When we are aware, we listen to each other, even if there are differences. If we stay focused, if we remain our caring human self, and if we pay attention to others’ feelings and ideas, we foster greater understanding.  
 
If we are honest about our feelings, if we remain curious, and if we are committed to forging courageous conversations, we will help strengthen relationships, productivity, and communication.  
 
Where can you have a courageous conversation today? Which meeting? What boss? Which employee? What relationship?

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How Do I Love Thee..Let Me Count The Ways

Posted on 06. Nov, 2011 by lollydaskal.

 
 
I love thee.  
 
These three words can change a person’s life. Too often, we only consider love in the context of our closest or most intimate relationships. But what about our other connections? Imagine what the phrase can do for the people who you work with.  
 
Consider the following expressions of love and think about how you can put more love into all of your relationships…  
 
How do I love thee?  
 
I love thee.... without limits. The more I learn to love and appreciate what you do, the more improvement I will see in our relationship. There will be a deeper connection.  
 
I love thee.... thru hard times. When business is slow and we are not reaching our goals, I will stand by you. In the end, love will fill us up and make us glad we have each other.  
 
I love thee... enough to give you freedom. Freedom to make your own choices and decisions. Freedom to feel free from guilt about pretending to be someone you are not.  
 
I love thee...without fearlessness. To create the space to tell the truth without being afraid.  
 
I love thee....for your growth. Everyone needs someone to support them while they grow and make changes. I will stand by you.  
 
I love thee... thru transformation. When you are seeking to understand, I will give you the space to search.  
 
I love thee… thru all vulnerability. Allowing us to cultivate a safe haven so we can be open and honest at all times.  
 
I love thee....with authenticity. I will love you in ways that matter ONLY to you  
 
I love thee....for thee. Loving each person for who they are and honoring their gifts and talents will give them the foundation to launch into the success that is meant to be theirs.  
 
I love thee leadership style: The greatest leaders are those who connect in positive and heartfelt ways to their organizations, and who do so with inspiration, motivation and heart.  
 
Lead From Within: Learning to love others authentically and in ways that matter to them is one of the best things any leader can do.  
 
This POST is dedicated to the ONE I LOVE.............YOU!!!!!!  
 
Join us this Tuesday on #leadfromwithin tweetchat at 8pm est Topic: Lead With Love with our co-host @John_Paul

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Lead With Love

Posted on 18. Mar, 2011 by lollydaskal.

So many of us believe that leaders are cold, aloof and analytical, or that they separate their emotions from their work. Sometimes we also believe that leaders don't need love, affection and friendship.  
 
How many times have we heard that leadership is not a popularity contest, and that leaders don't care if they are liked?  Or that leaders just want to be respected?  
 
I am here to tell you that is NONSENSE.  
 
The single most important factor that differentiates a good leader from a great leader is LOVE.  
 
Yes, you heard me.  
 
Love!  
 
The best leaders want to be liked. They want openness from others. They want to be understood, appreciated, and communicated with.  
 
Leaders who do not care and are cold hearted or cold blooded are not very successful leaders.  
 
When you Lead With Love, success follows.  
 
In fact, the best chemistry that leaders can have with their followers are that they care and share.  
 
You don't love someone because of who they are. You love them because of the way they make you feel.  
 
This applies to your leadership, your business, and your personal relationships. When we show love; when we demonstrate appreciation, it is reflected back to us.  
 
We will work harder and more effectively for that person we love. We will be more loyal and dedicated to them, and it will be in direct proportion to how they make us feel.  
 
To lead from love is to understand at a deeper level how to bring out the best in people. It’s how to empower them to perform at a much greater level than anyone believes possible.  
 
People will meet you and mirror you.  
 
If you are open, they will be open. If you are closed, they will be closed. If you are vulnerable, they will be vulnerable.  
 
The key to leadership is to lead with love. Leading with love means knowing and caring about what inspires and empowers people. It’s about caring enough to know what is important to them and helping them succeed. Leading with love is the key to leadership success. To lead effectively, you must love the people you are leading.  
 
Lead From Within: To be a leader who leads from love is to continuously develop the art of leadership. No matter how masterful or successful you may be, you are always working on improving and inspiring others.  To lead with love benefits both the leader and the follower. It benefits your business, your relationships, your community, and our culture.

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