Tag Archives: Leadership Development
Why Were You Not
Posted on 09. Apr, 2012 by lollydaskal.
31
There is a tale of a chassidic rabbi named rabbi Zusya. Zusya was a timid man, a man who concealed more than he revealed. One day Zusya stood before his congregation and he said, When I die and have to present myself before the celestial tribunal, they will not ask me, ‘Zusya why were you not Moses?’ because I would say ‘Moses was prophet and I am not.’
They would not say ‘Zusya, why were you not Jeremiah?’ for I would say ‘Jeremiah was a writer, and I am not.’
And they will not say ‘Why were you not Rabbi Akiba?’ for I would tell them, ‘Rabbi Akiba was a great teacher and scholar and I am not.’
But then they will say ‘Zusya why were you not Zusya?’ and to this I will have no answer.
All of us strive to be great leaders, the best parents, exceptional partners.
But how do we know what is the right thing to do, and how do we live a life without having regrets about 'Why were you not'?
It begins with living with integrity.
To have integrity will define our lives.
To have integrity we will do the right thing because it is the right thing to do.
To have integrity is to be true to the life we have been called to live.
Having integrity is having character, consistency, commitment and congruency with your truest self.
If you know who you are you will know what to do and if you know what to do .... you will not have to be asked why were YOU not.
- your integrity is when your beliefs and thoughts and actions come together.
- your integrity is finding out the uniqueness of you and living it
- your integrity is discovering your giftedness and sharing it
- your integrity is detecting your strength and showing it.
LIVE IT. SHARE IT. SHOW IT.
To discover your integrity ask yourself the following questions:- What does integrity mean?
- What are the characteristics of someone who lives a life of integrity?
- What do you have to change to be more authentic about yourself?
- Are your decisions congruent with who you are from within?
- What are your blind spots that keep you from being real?
- What do you value?
- Do you know what is right in your heart?
Lead From Within: Integrity is the anchor of your heart; it is your commitment to being who you are deep in your soul.
Stay tuned next week as we discuss the defining source of integrity.
Continue Reading
Me And My Shadow
Posted on 19. Feb, 2012 by lollydaskal.
Everyone casts a shadow; we all have one.
Where we go... it goes. Where we stand, it stands… There is no escaping it.
Our shadow is filled with characters we have no wish to be, and certainly no wish to present to others; our fears, our insecurities, and our anxieties.
It’s the negative side of our personality and it’s the part of ourselves that we are often are not in touch with, or have possibly disowned.
Carl Jung says, when emotions and feelings are not made conscious, they usually manifest outside of us.
He says that our judgment, anger and pain will present itself and we will see it everywhere, and in everyone. It will attract the very people that we may often dislike and detest. Usually these people and situations are telling us more about ourselves than they are about the other person. They have come to teach us lessons...
How do we recognize our SHADOW in relationships and business?
- When our acts are unintentional and unintended. (“Oops, I didn’t mean to say that!”)
- When our interactions continuously have the same troubling effect on several people. (“Both David and Libby feel you have not been honest with us.”)
- When our negative feedback from others serves as a mirror. (“This is the fourth time you have not shown up to the meetings or even called to say you will be late.”)
- When our feelings are amplified about others. (“I just can’t believe that she would say that. I cannot believe he had the nerve to show up that way.”)
- When we are humiliated by circumstances. (“I am so ashamed about how he spoke to me.”)
- When we are extremely irritated and irrational about another person’s faults (“She really let her weight get out of control.” or “He just can’t seem to get his act together.”)
As leaders who lead in every part of our business and life, our objective should be to have an ongoing relationship with our shadow so we can:
- Gain a deeper understanding of who we are by achieving self-acceptance and expansion of self.
- Defuse negative emotions that derail us from our daily lives, to balance the light and dark.
- Secure freedom from guilt and shame that plague our negative emotions.
- Obtain clarity on how our projections color our opinions about others.
- Address our conscious and our unconscious.
- Heal our relationships by having honest and sincere self-examination and courageous conversations.
THE GIFT…
- Of being in the right place and always doing it the right way.
- Of embracing some of our disowned parts.
- Of recalling our potentially positive qualities.
- Of rediscovering who we are in our complete self.
Continue Reading
The Heart Of Listening
Posted on 08. Jan, 2012 by lollydaskal.
Who was the last person who actually listened to you?
Who was the last person you actually gave your full attention to?
I know what you’re thinking. YOU listen all the time. But do you really?
Do we understand what it really means to listen? Do we comprehend what is the Heart of listening?
Do we realize that every person we will meet has something to teach us? Perhaps our job is to listen long enough to find out what that lesson is.
Isn’t it true that when people speak to us, we tend to jump right in and give our advice, our feedback and our judgment? And all too often we find ourselves fixing, lecturing or interrupting with way too many questions. We listen not as an act of curiosity, but rather for a chance to give clever responses.
We are all guilty of this because we are all human.
In order to reap the benefits of listening, we must let ourselves develop and expand our ability to concentrate and pay attention.
Listening with Heart is a skill - A skill that can be taught and can be learned, but most definitely must be developed.
The Heart of listening consists of:
- Listening with heart is to summarize your understanding of what was just said.
- Listening with heart is reframing what you have just heard.
- Listening with heart is not a passive skill, but an active art.
- Listening from the heart is letting others know you understand what they said.
- Listening from the heart assures others that you are really listening with your whole body; eyes, ears and all.
If we are going to expand our KNOWLEDGE, we need to listen.
If we are going to be SUPPORTIVE, we need to listen.
If we are going to be RESPECTFUL, we need to listen.
If we are going to be COMPASSIONATE, we need to listen.
If we are going to illustrate EMPATHY, we need to listen.
Listening is the sincerest form of flattery and shows the deepest form of connection.
In order to live a life of leadership and meaningful connection, we have to consciously choose to slow down, give up our own agenda, and develop the capacity to focus on others by making an effort to fully understand them.
Socrates states, “Nature has given us two ears, two eyes and but one tongue to the end that we should hear and see more than we speak.”We need to cultivate Heart about the ways WE listen.
We need to simply give our undivided attention to another without imposing our own personal agenda.
Sometimes, this might take a little practice.
It is a generous act of giving when we allow someone the space to be exactly who they are and exactly who they are not. This takes the ability to authentically listen with Heart.
In organizations, poor listening is responsible for the loss of billions of dollars due to unnecessary mistakes, lost opportunities, ineffectiveness and deficiencies.
In relationships, poor listening is responsible for disconnectedness from our families, loved ones, friends and customers. It is the cause of breakdowns and break ups.
If we could hear our words, our comments, and our feedback through the ears of our listeners, we might be horrified with our insensitivity and negativity.
The Heart of listening requires focus and a desire to learn and gain perspective. It takes effort to realize our inner barriers we have built towards others, which we must learn to put aside.
By listening with an open Heart, it is love in action. By listening with mindfulness, it is the way for making every interaction become memorable.
Lead from Within: The Heart of listening is a gift to yourself and others. everyone you meet can impact and change your life.
Continue Reading
Reward The Effort
Posted on 14. Dec, 2011 by lollydaskal.
This past week I had the privilege of sitting down and consulting with a well known CEO. He was visibly upset and some what disillusioned.
He spoke about his dissatisfaction with his team and his disappointment with the organization's results of the past year.
As he talked and I listened, I heard him say, “I do not believe in the idea of effort. I believe in rewarding results only.”
I had a hard time believing my ears. This is what I call a fixed mindset.
Here was a leader of a very large organization who expects his employees to work hard, put in long hours, make great sales, and grow the company, but then not be rewarded for their efforts. Could this be possible? Was there a way of showing him that his beliefs were the root of the problem?
For me, he was suffering from what I call “CEO DIS-EASE.”
He believed that effort was not to be rewarded. He believed that effort was for those with deficiencies. He believed that effort reduces you. He believed that people should come fully prepared and their work should be “effortless.”
Could this CEO see that he was the one keeping his organization playing small? Could he see how it was his fixed mindset that was holding them back?
Did he actually believe that we’re supposed to be perfect from the get-go; that we are born with qualities that need no effort to be cultivated?
Did he imagine that Picasso came out of the womb painting? Did he believe that Michael Jordan was an athletic superstar from birth?
How could I make the CEO understand that, even if we are a genius, even if we are the most talented, even if we are the most qualified, we still need to work at it? Improvement is a life-long pursuit. Effort is an endless process. The truth is being a genius takes effort.It is effort that ignites the ability and turns that ability into accomplishments.
I waited until he finished speaking, and then I challenged his thinking.
I wanted him to understand that effort was and is the direct link to growth and results.
I needed him to see that, if you challenge yourself, you are open to development. When you are open to development, you are oriented towards learning. And when you are open towards learning, you have a greater chance of succeeding.
But if you’re afraid of trying; if you’re afraid of taking chances; and if you’re frightened by challenges, how will you grow? How will you take yourself to the next level? If you have to be perfect, or if you have to appear to know everything, how does anyone expect you to succeed?
In order to achieve success; in order to manifest creative achievement, and in order to be rewarded with results, you need the kind of perseverance and resilience that produces a mindset of growth.
A mindset of growth begins with a knowing that you can challenge yourself; that you can take chances; that you can give it your best effort; and you can be resilient in the face of setbacks. Once you’re free to take those risks, you will achieve results, and you will create greater success.
Why is effort so scary for some?
Because when you actually try and you don’t succeed, who can you blame; what excuse can you give, and how will you acknowledge your shortcomings?
Without effort, you can say “I could have been…” However, once you try and you don’t succeed, you can’t say that anymore. You cannot delude yourself anymore.
I left the CEO with some thoughts:
You do not want to say: “This organization could have been and should have been.” When you want people to grow, to succeed, to achieve results, then you have to focus on their development. You have to focus on challenging them and acknowledging their efforts.
In order to grow his organization into something meaningful and to get it to where he wants it to be, he will have to give it his all for the things he values most. Once he begins to acknowledge the people who make the effort, and recognizes their risks, their challenges, and their failures, only then will he be rewarded without reservation.
Lead From Within: You must realize that you have to work the hardest for the things you love the most. You have to fight for it with your whole life. Being resilient and pursing with perseverance is taking yourself to the next level. And the secret ingredient to making it all work is… EFFORT.
Continue Reading
Look In The Mirror
Posted on 27. Nov, 2011 by lollydaskal.
What is the difference between a leader and a heart based leader who leads from within?
leader
One who leads or conducts; a guide; a person who inspires and motivates, a conductor. A leader can also be described as “a person who can enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task.
heart based leader
is someone who looks to the needs of the people and asks how they can help solve their problems and promote personal development. They place the main focus on people, because only happy and motivated people are able to reach their goals and meet expectations.
Both a heart based leader and traditional leader want to serve, inspire, and motivate.
The biggest difference between the two is that the leader who is a heart based leader and who leads from within is willing to look at themselves in the mirror.
To lead from within means having the courage and the willingness to look in the mirror first.
To be a heart based leader is to dig deeper; to look at yourself without judgment, not afraid to see the truth.
To be a heart based leader is to see the dark and the light, the shadow, the ego, the gifts and the greatness.
When you know yourself, you can begin to master leading yourself. And if you can lead yourself, you can model the way for others.
However, most of us are so accustomed to exploring and examining others that we often don’t take the time to examine ourselves.
And there can be consequences for not taking the time to look inward and examine ourselves. After all, who is the one determining the direction of your organization?
You are.
Who is leading the company and making the decisions?
You are.
Who is the one everyone looks up to for guidance, answers and support?
You are.
So if you’re not examining yourself, and you don't know yourself, how strong a leader can you be?
The key to success and the principal of leadership - is knowing yourself.
How do you begin to know yourself? How do you start to understand your own inner workings and feelings?
It begins with looking in the mirror.
Review: First and foremost, review who you are and what you stand for.
Reread: Reread the stories you are telling yourself and others. Are they still true, or have you changed and grown in the past few years?
Reflect: Take the time to reflect and to examine what you think, what you feel, and how you’re acting.
Remove: Remove the barriers from your heart that keep you from inspiring and motivating yourself to move towards your best life.
Revamp: Revamp those habits you want to change and start implementing skills that better serve you.
Recognize: Recognize that there are internal scripts - thoughts that serve you and other thoughts that don’t serve you. What kind of messages are you sending yourself?
Responsibility: Take responsibility for what is happening in your life. The world is what you make it, and you are 100% responsible for your own life. With leadership comes responsibility; to yourself and to those you are leading.
Renew: Renew the things you like – no, love - about yourself. If you’ve lost things you love about yourself, renew them and start living again.
Rethink: Rethink what values, beliefs, gifts, and strengths you have, and start implementing them in your life and share them with others.
Recover: Recover yourself. Rediscover who you were - the person with vision, ideas, and dreams. Allow yourself to be that person you were before life began to take over.
Remember: Remember who you are at your heart center. Leadership, servanthood, and mastering life is not about learning new skills or about core competencies, it’s about remembering who we are as human beings and letting go of what no longer serves us.
Ask yourself why you are here; what is your purpose? What can you contribute; how can you make a difference; where can you make things better?
True power comes from listening to the heart and from having the commitment to clear all that stands in the way. Lead From Within is not a training program; it’s not a learning a new skill; it’s not a paradigm shift. It is all that you know already... Look in the mirror-
It is the reviewing, reflecting, removing, revamping, recognizing, renewing, rethinking, recovering, and remembering. It is all the wisdom, skills, and processes you already possess. All that you need, you have in your heart.
Continue Reading
Whereever You Go, Go With All Your Heart.
Posted on 31. Jul, 2011 by lollydaskal.
The total development of who you are and what you want and how you feel..... is essential to achieving your goals both in your personal and professional life.
Once there used to be high morals and ethics in the workplace and the expectations of your personal life were private and non-inclusive.
The truth is there is should be no difference between our inner personal work and those of our professional success - - our whole self is what we should bring to work and what we should bring home- if you want to be successful in the long run the best practice is the simplest truth: wherever you go, go with all your heart.
If you bring your whole self to work and you lead from your heart you will be more likely to be the person who cares more, shares more, understands more, says more, feels more, hears more and is liked more.
Bringing your whole heart and continuously developing your personal mastery is just as important as leadership growth and leadership growth is just as important as organizational growth- all of it matters--all of it is interrelated.
Sheryl Sandberg the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook says. "I believe in bringing your whole self to work. We are who we are. When you try to have this division between your personal self and professional self, what you really are is stiff... That doesn't mean people have to tell me everything about their personal lives. But I'm pretty sharing of mine." (New Yorker July 11 2011)
The person who leads from the heart, and who brings their whole self to work, is more likely to feel more comfortable with responsibilities, is more likely be more authentic and transparent.
Lead From Within: Are you bringing your whole heart and self to your professional and personal life? Are you standing with unconditional commitment and unequivocal courage to your truest self?
To lead from within is know the simplest most profound truth: If you bring your heart, you bring your best self.
Continue Reading
Be Your Boundaries
Posted on 05. Jun, 2011 by lollydaskal.
Do we have the courage to pay attention to how we feel and if we do, do we have the fearlessness to state our feelings and stand by them?
Is it okay to feel our feelings?
Is it okay to be hurt and ashamed?
Is it okay to say NO when we really do not want to say YES?
Is it okay to think of ourselves for a change without feeling selfish?
Many of us spend our time taking care of others, fending for our family, supporting our colleagues and co workers.
We were born knowing that others existed besides ourselves. We were raised being told that others needs come first. We were rewarded for self sacrificing and people pleasing. We were taught not to question authority. We were instructed to avoid conflict at all costs and we are held accountable when we hurt other people's feelings.So how do we set boundaries for ourselves and still remain open to others?
Setting boundaries is not something we are born with, boundaries have to be built. The boundaries we construct help us distinguish what is meaningful to us so we can care and protect them. Setting Boundaries begins with SELF. The self that deserves love and care.If we have learned that taking care of ourselves is selfish we will shut down. Boundaries is not only about SELF but it begins with self.
Inner boundaries define our heart and soul. Inner boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Inner boundaries shows us where "we" start and we the "others" begin. Inner boundaries gives us a sense of ownership and freedom.We all have within ourselves that which we inhabit in our souls -the responsibility is for us to own the things that make us who we are.
In the physical world boundaries are easy to see: gates, fences, walls....In the inner world boundaries are harder to see because they define our heart. When we define our heart we know ourselves. When we know ourselves we can make great contributions and when we make the great contribution we are changing other people's lives. Lead From Within: Get to know what you want, what you love, what you hate, and start having a healthy sense of self.Join Us: Lead From Within Weekly Tweetchat Tuesday's 8pm est.
Continue Reading
Building Bridges
Posted on 31. May, 2011 by lollydaskal.
In life there always seems to be miscommunication. misunderstandings, misconduct, but if you talk to anyone at any given time all they say is that they want better communication, more understanding and to be treated well.
Why is it that we cannot get what we want? Why are our lives are forever presenting us with just what we want to avoid? Why are there such gaps from what we desire most?
Get what you want by building bridges but it takes effort… and effort takes perseverance and perseverance takes patience.
Building bridges is about taking reflective action.- taking action is not always about reacting and trying to fix- but to stop and absorb, to listen. The the ability to maintain the necessary patience and insight to identify exactly what needs to be the focus is a skill. Employing that discipline will allow your heart to communicate the action that will create better results through understanding.
Building bridges takes courageous engagement.- it is asking the kind of questions that most people are afraid to face. Courageous questions open the possibility of your truths… your courageous answers. Once those truths are revealed, action becomes a clearer path of choice.
Building bridges takes appreciative exploration- the art and practice of asking questions that strengthen a system’s capacity. To take time to study, comprehend, anticipate, and heighten positive potential. When we seek fundamentally to build a constructive union between a whole person, that which is and was about them, we build bridges to a deeper understanding of humanity.
Building bridges takes grounded vision. When you know what you stand for you, who you are, you know how to communicate, be understood and know how to act on a daily basis. A Grounded vision renews enthusiasm, commitment, and ownership of yourself and those around you.
Building bridges takes concerted confidence. You won’t get to the top without self-confidence; to build it, you have to own who you are and you have to be competent to do. Sometimes its acknowledging areas you need to grow or need help to accomplish your dreams. Don’t worry about being perfect —imperfection is not the name of the game. Its about doing and being the best you can be. It takes courage and confidence to get what you want.
Building bridges takes interdependence. Knowing that others matter for your success. Creative collaboration across boundaries and the inclusion of diverse perspectives and values allows outcomes to be more emergent organically and less limiting.
Building bridges is about freedom – it is about freeing yourself through accepting your own gifts and to free others by embracing theirs. It is about breaking away from old barriers, learning new skills, and freeing people to work with more passion, energy and productivity it helps create an environment that promotes individuals to have the freedom to take the right actions in the process of securing the desired results.
Building bridges takes love. We all are seeking to find meaning in our lives. Touches of human kindness and love can be life changers. Love helps when you deepen the relationship you have with yourself and others around you. because it empowers, and has you performing on higher levels than anyone thought possible.
To build a bridge with love means learning to love the loss and failure and the vulnerability it allows you to be real and share your story. LOVE connects you deeper with others as you accept yourself. Loving yourself means becoming loyal to your own hearts needs while respecting others hearts as well.
Building bridges allows change to happen. It is a willful choice to create the support structures to reach out to other people as individuals, as humans, as people who like us, have hearts who must learn to love as well.
We must Build bridges to take us to the places we desire to go.
We must understand our stories, our own truths that make and made us who we are in the first place.
Lead From Within: There is no one else. We must be who we are meant to be. We must lead our lives by example. Start building bridges.
Continue Reading
I See You
Posted on 25. May, 2011 by lollydaskal.
Among the tribes in Northern Natal in South Africa, the tribes greet each other with "Sawu bona" which in the English language is equivalent to saying "hello"
The phrase "Sawu bona" literally is defined as "I see you."
If you are a member of the tribe you would reply, "Sikhona" Which in English language is equivalent to saying "I am here"
The order of the greeting of this exchange is important. And what it is saying...in literal translation.
UNTIL YOU SEE ME~ I do not exist.
Which means: when you see me you bring me into existence.
In the blockbuster movie Avatar when they say "I see you" it means I see the love and your feelings and your soul and you mean everything to me.
Among the native people in Africa when they say "Umuntu ngumuntu nagabantu" which from Zulu literally means a person is a person because of the interconnectedness of the people around them. In a word it is the spirit of Ubuntu.
Ubuntu, is complimentary living that luminously embraces a community in healing radiance from the heart and interdependent human spirits of sharing, it reveals respect, recognition and revelation of giftedness to the human spirit.
We can only get better when we truly begin to see each other. We can only learn and grow when we acknowledge each other. We can only make a difference if we know our existence matters.
If you are working with a team, in an organization or your own business embody the spirit of "Ubuntu" a spirit of understanding and acknowledging others.
Let others know that you see them. Let others know they exist. Give into this profound power of I SEE YOU.
When we acknowledge another. we are saying I SEE YOU. When we give a compliment, we are saying we know and understand what you have done.
Looking for the positive qualities in your team member, saying empowering messages to your family, creates a significant shift in the interpersonal dynamic and establishes an environment of trust and mutual respect.
Often a team member is not aware of their own strengths and capabilities.
Often others do not know the contributions they make to the whole organization.
As a leader, you have an opportunity to acknowledge and reveal strengths, qualities, and capabilities of each person.
When you acknowledge another you hold up a mirror and say, “This is the person I see in you!”
Often for the first time, you awaken an awareness of qualities in individuals they have not noticed or accepted before.
Often with this new founded awareness it builds self-esteem and empowerment to use their gifts.
In seeing another there is a gift for us as well..... As a leader, there is nothing more rewarding than watching someone light up from recognition of their own greatness and then watching that moment renew their spirit as they move with new enthusiasm to own and utilize their fullest potential!
Lead From Within: I see you! I know you exist! And you make a difference in my life!
Continue Reading
Own Your Desires
Posted on 12. May, 2011 by lollydaskal.
So many of us deny our desires, but do you know our desires are an important aspect of what lies within us.
Acknowledging our desires means discovering our inner self and accepting the core of our motivations.
When we deny our desires, and when we attach rules, words or codes to our lives, we cut ourselves off from our gifts, love, and creativity.
Each one of us has different wants and desires, wishes, dreams, hopes, visions, goals and plans.
Are we telling people what we really want? Are we expressing our deepest wishes? Are we feeling the depth of our longing?
For businesses to thrive and for relationships to succeed, we need to express our likes and dislikes and be open to giving and receiving. We need to know that a big part of being successful and authentic means owning our desires.
If we don’t own our desires, our self-assurance is deprived and our knowledge is limited. Those who do not define themselves remain lost in the crowd.
Owning our desires provides us with a stronger sense of where we stand with ourselves and others. When people understand what we want, they will be more clear about who we are.
In Kabbalah it is explained that a desire is placed within us so that we can develop and reflect deeper. It is addressing the depth of the reality which appears inside of our heart - This is a "point in the heart." This point is a part of the greater reality which includes spirituality, emotionality and humanity.
Your desire is about examining, engaging and exploring the deepest parts within you. Once you own your desire, your success will take hold and transform everything.
Lead From Within: Follow the ways of your heart and OWN your desires. It will get you one step closer to realizing your hopes, dreams and goals.
Continue Reading
Life Balance Leadership Chat
Leadership Influence Blog
Best Of The Best Leadership Development
