If you struggle with issues of self-esteem and insecurity, the worst possible thing you can do to yourself is to compare yourself to someone else.
In truth, those comparisons are a big part of the reason why so many of us struggle with insecurity.
What messes with our confidence most is the picture in our head of how we are supposed to be.
But we forget, we are not anyone else, we are who we are, and if we want to succeed, we will have to succeed as ourselves.
Here are 10 ways to get yourself back on the right path:
1. Accept that you have choices. When you compare yourself to others, you fail to accept or acknowledge the choices you truly have. If you can concentrate on those choices, on the other hand, you can find the alternative that works best for you. Keep the focus on your own situation, your strengths, your own goals, and you’ll never stray far from the right path.
2. Keep working toward your goals. Instead of comparing yourself to anyone else, measure where you are now compared to a month or a quarter or a year ago and appreciate the progress you are making. And if you see instead that you’re not progressing toward your goals, it’s most likely because those goals are not clearly defined. It’s not because of anything wrong or inferior with you, and it certainly doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else. Measure your own progress and hold yourself accountable for that–and no more.
3. Recognize your limitations. When you compare yourself to others, the worst thing you can do is bank on your limitations. People often concentrate on what they’re not good at and they spend their time wishing they could be better. Instead, recognize your limitations, but don’t allow them to limit you. Understand them and then defy them. Sometimes the best way to excel is to set your own rules.
4. Embrace your uniqueness. Comparisons don’t leave room for the things that make you unique. What are your gifts? What makes you different? The purpose of your life is to find your voice and make your own mark on the world. Your gifts and talents and successes and contributions and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. That’s why you can never truly be compared to anyone else.
5. Learn from those with experience. If you become triggered by the realization of how much you don’t know, the solution is simple. Learn from those who do know so you can do better. Don’t hold yourself up to anyone else’s success, but let it inspire you to do better.
6. Guard your precious time. We each get 86,400 seconds each day. And using even one of those seconds to compare yourself or your accomplishments to another is a true waste of your precious time.
7. Celebrate your successes. Celebrate the things you’ve accomplished, and then raise the bar a little bit higher. Do this each time you succeed, and you’ll be too busy to compare yourself to anyone.
8. Focus on what you can change: yourself. So much of what goes on is out of our control, but there is one thing that we know for sure: the constant need to compare ourselves to others wastes our energy by focusing or attention on other peoples’ lives rather than our own.
9. Comparisons breed resentment. The more you compare yourself to others, the more resentment you’re likely to feel–and it’s all the more painful because it’s a self-inflicted wound.
10. Give to others what you most desire for yourself. If you want your work to be valued, value the work of other. If you want succeed, help others succeed. What goes around comes around.
If you are looking to succeed, the only person you must compare yourself to – is YOU
Compare yourself to your goals.
Compare yourself to your values.
Compare yourself to where you were.
Just leave other people out of the comparisons and you’ll do fine, because success and happiness begins the moment you stop looking over your shoulder and you begin to focus on yourself.
N A T I O N A L B E S T S E L L E R
THE LEADERSHIP GAP
What Gets Between You and Your Greatness
After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.
Additional Reading you might enjoy:
- 12 Successful Leadership Principles That Never Grow Old
- A Leadership Manifesto: A Guide To Greatness
- How to Succeed as A New Leader
- 12 of The Most Common Lies Leaders Tell Themselves
- 4 Proven Reasons Why Intuitive Leaders Make Great Leaders
- The One Quality Every Leader Needs To Succeed
- The Deception Trap of Leadership
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness has become a national bestseller.