How Are You/How Am I?

To me, the single most powerful tool available to us in our attempt to go beyond our egocentric social conditioning and move into conscious, compassionate awareness is recognizing our projections.

Projections means attributing one’s own traits to others.

You look out into the world, and because you are looking from yourself through the filter of your personality, the only thing to see is you.

You think it’s the world, you are seeing, but it is the totality of your own preferences, habits, beliefs, and assumptions projected onto the world.

The fact that we are unconsciousness of this does not mean it is not so.

Maybe what we need is a little self acceptance. Maybe a bit of self-honesty. We all show a representation of ourselves to the world that denies those parts we do not like. It is our shadow side that we project onto others when we point our fingers in judgment. Our ultimate healing depends on acknowledging and accepting all of ourselves. There is nothing here to be feared. It is in our darkness that we find our light.

Choosing compassion, forgiveness and love, for our self first and then for others, is integral to healing and recovery.  It brings our power, our truth, and our love back to us and reveals the true nature of our soul.

Lolly Daskal is one of the most sought-after executive leadership coaches in the world. Her extensive cross-cultural expertise spans 14 countries, six languages and hundreds of companies. As founder and CEO of Lead From Within, her proprietary leadership program is engineered to be a catalyst for leaders who want to enhance performance and make a meaningful difference in their companies, their lives, and the world.

Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR,, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness has become a national bestseller.

  1. Charles Crenshaw

    12. Oct, 2009

    Lolly, words well spoken. The ancients say that it is for the sake of our true nature that we love the spouse, the child, the mother, the sybling, beauty. Our true nature is projected out into the world and lost sight of hence we suffer on account of the loss of these external things. Happiness is our true nature, it is who we are. It is power, truth, love, healing….

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  2. Susan Mazza

    12. Oct, 2009

    Thinking about this point: “It is our shadow side that we project onto others when we point our fingers in judgment.”

    So you could say when we point our finger in judgment we might consider that we are actually pointing our finger at the person we see when we look in the mirror. A great access to learning from and being responsible for our judgments. We just have to remember to actually learn from the insight rather than use it to beat ourselves up!

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    • Lolly Daskal

      12. Oct, 2009

      Hear is something to think about: When you are pointing your finger at someone, you actually have one finger pointing at them and three fingers at yourself. So who are we really talking about? As you so beautifully said, learn to be responsible for your judgments….
      All the best,

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  3. Monica Diaz de Peralta

    12. Oct, 2009

    I always wonder in the paradox that to see others clearly I need a clear view of myself! The more I know and accept ME, the more I can see of the world as it is. I am never a perfect observer, but the projection diminishes as I understand myself. But how to know myself if not in the mirror I find in others? Even the fact that someone projects some part of her on me can be of use to me if I am searching. When someone judges me, how do I react? When I can clear my mind enough I see that I react to that little nugget that is true of me. Projection is spaked by that piece in which we are alike. Wisdom is there to be found.

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  4. Lolly Daskal

    12. Oct, 2009

    When you are threatened or insulted by the words or deeds of another, it may be a good time to reflect upon your own words and deeds.

    Start with your self. Look at the ways you judge and criticize you. If there is no self-critic, then how can there be one who criticizes others?

    Look beyond the external and come to see for your self that a magnificent life awaits you.

    Be grateful for the opportunity to know and love yourself more deeply, for moments when you grow into the dreams you dream, and for your ability to be who you are.

    Wisdom comes from knowing oneself.

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