Who we attract has a lot to do with who we are.
It’s easy to get upset by toxic people who may be present in your life. If you’re asking yourself how they got there to begin with, you may want to look at your own thoughts and behavior as a source of the attraction.
Here are five of the most common ways that can happen:
1. You’re a pleaser. Driven by negative self talk, you worry that you have no value unless you’re doing something for someone. You think being a good person means never say no, and that doing everything for everyone is the way to make people happy. If you’re a pleaser, toxic people come from miles away to take advantage of you.
2. You’re a fixer. You have a hard time leaving things alone.You think of yourself as a great problem-solver, but that often means overstepping boundaries and causing havoc in your relationships. Toxic people find you attractive because, much as they do with the pleaser, they take advantage of your good nature and desire to help.
3. You’re always comparing. If you’re constantly looking over your shoulder and wondering why others have more than you–more money, more education, more success, whatever–you’ve probably discovered that toxic people love to take advantage of your lack of self-respect.
4. You feel like an imposter. Like drawing comparisons,feeling that you’re an imposter or a fraud is based on low self-esteem. In this case, it takes the form of guilt and inner shame that you don’t deserve to be where you are. You do everything you can to show you’re smart enough and good enough–and toxic people are quick to use your insecurity to their own advantage.
5. You’re a perfectionist. When you pride yourself on being a perfectionist, you’re sending the message that you will do anything to keep from letting someone else down. Toxic people are quick to manipulate you into doing all kinds of things in the name of perfection.
The cure for any of these is similar. Get your self-esteem up to healthy levels. Practice positive thinking and affirmations, be grateful for your opportunities and abilities, and focus on your mission and purpose to take the weight off yourself. Set healthy boundaries and stick to them, and respect other people’s rights to live their own life and make their own mistakes.
If you give them nothing to work with, toxic people will leave in search of more productive targets–leaving you in peace.
N A T I O N A L B E S T S E L L E R
THE LEADERSHIP GAP
What Gets Between You and Your Greatness
After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.
Additional Reading you might enjoy:
- 12 Successful Leadership Principles That Never Grow Old
- A Leadership Manifesto: A Guide To Greatness
- How to Succeed as A New Leader
- 12 of The Most Common Lies Leaders Tell Themselves
- 4 Proven Reasons Why Intuitive Leaders Make Great Leaders
- The One Quality Every Leader Needs To Succeed
- The Deception Trap of Leadership
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness has become a national bestseller.