The Wisdom Of Insecurities

Screen shot 2013-09-09 at 2.04.52 PMAs a coach, I love listening to the stories leaders tell. Hearing these stories is a great way to get to know someone. It’s always interesting to see how they compare to what I might see or what others experience.

Most of the time, I can tell what kind of leader someone is, and where their insecurities lie, by the stories they tell.

Some leaders need to always be the center of attention.

Insecure about not being heard, they make it impossible not to hear them.

Some leaders need to always be right and have trouble with other points of view.

Insecure that their own information or perspective might not be the best, they make sure their opinion is the only one that counts.

Some leaders need to take all the credit, even for work others have done.

Insecure about the value of their own talents, gifts, and self-worth, they require constant affirmation.

Some leaders engage in bullying, tyranny, and intimidation.

Insecure about their own loneliness, they relate to others only through a limited range of behaviors. 

Some leaders are quick to place blame.

Insecure about their own ability to weather mistakes, they cannot focus on problem solving.

As you can tell, leadership is not an external event but an internal narration.

[quote]We all have insecurities, but how we deal with them is a choice. [/quote]

We can own them and work through them, or we can display them without self-awareness and allow them to lead us.

As a leader, learning your insecurities is part of your personal and leadership development—and it is a not a simple task.

Our realities come from deep within us, from the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.

[quote]Recognizing and working through our insecurities is an important part of being a heart-based leader.[/quote]

The heart of leadership is to nurture the whole person, to grow the whole leader.

Here’s how to get there:

Pay attention: Listen to your own stories and figure out what insecurities they’re revealing. If you don’t have a clear sense of your own insecurities, ask a trusted advisor for their thoughts.

Break the habit: Develop new habits that resolve your insecurities and showcase your heart to those you lead.

Forgive yourself: Once you realize that your insecurities are showing, forgive yourself for being human and know through awareness and forgiveness you can do better.

One of the greatest journeys in life is learning to overcome our insecurities—and in doing so, we begin to reveal our gifts.

[quote]Go inward and discover heart; go outward and discover your gifts.[/quote]

Personal and leadership development is not easy. It takes guts and it takes a strong heart.

[quote]Our deepest learning comes from inside out. [/quote]

As leaders, when we are honest about our insecurities we become vulnerable in our state of development. Attention to our own experiences can provide insights into the ways we can grow.

[quote]Dig deep within yourself and uncover the gifts you have. [/quote]

Lead From Within: As a heart-based leader, we understand as the person grows so does the leader. Recognizing our inner narratives, working on our awareness, and finding the balance of our inside-out leadership lead us to our own heart.

For coaching, consulting, workshops and speaking. Please feel free to contact me.

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

 


Lolly Daskal is one of the most sought-after executive leadership coaches in the world. Her extensive cross-cultural expertise spans 14 countries, six languages and hundreds of companies. As founder and CEO of Lead From Within, her proprietary leadership program is engineered to be a catalyst for leaders who want to enhance performance and make a meaningful difference in their companies, their lives, and the world.

Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness is being released by Portfolio May 2017.

31 Responses to “The Wisdom Of Insecurities”

  1. Jon Mertz

    10. Sep, 2013

    Lolly,

    Excellent insights on the insecurities of leaders. Making the change takes such a strong internal commitment to understand why the changes need to be made and then make them. There has to be that internal commitment to make the shift. Once that happens, it then takes a community to reinforce the positive changes made.

    Thanks!

    Jon

    Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      10. Sep, 2013

      The same holds true not only for leaders, our insecurities teach us great wisdom.
      It is not always easy to look in the mirror. The realism of life is that
      we are always working on ourselves to become better humans, kinder people,
      and more insightful leaders.

      Thanks Jon for stopping by and adding your thoughts.

      Appreciate you.

      Hope to see you tonight on #leadfromwithin THE POWER OF POSITIVITY.
      Lolly

      Reply to this comment
  2. LaRae Quy

    10. Sep, 2013

    Wow! A lot of wisdom in this post! The stories we tell ourselves create the leader we become. So much of what you describe begins in childhood, and we keep reinforcing those stories as adults, acting out in the same ways we did as children. The reason? It works! Or at least, it used to…but as we mature and take ownership of the person we’ve become, it’s time to let go of the things of our childhood…only it’s hard. They’ve become a security blanket. From my experience, it’s best to confront those stories one at a time…I’ve found the enneagram has been a useful tool to help understand how and why the insecurities keep popping up.

    LOVE this sentence: leadership is not an external event but an internal narration. Thanks so much!

    Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      10. Sep, 2013

      Thanks LaRae

      For your added wisdom and comment, I appreciate your point of view.

      We can tell ourselves stories from childhood but we don’t have to act like a child when we lead,
      it is our ego that keeps us thinking our narratives are ones of the child within, as an adult, we can look at our inner
      stories and see the truth about them.

      What served us at eight years old will not serve us at 40.

      Leadership Development, and self actualization is so important especially when you are in a leadership role.

      Lolly

      Reply to this comment
  3. J. P. Lucas

    10. Sep, 2013

    Thanks for the great insight Lolly!

    Insecurity is a symptom of struggle. When we avoid confronting our struggles, we let insecurities consume us.

    The stories we tell are like bad drugs, treating the symptoms at the expense of others and ourselves, and avoiding the root of the problem – the struggle.

    The proper medication is diving into the heart of struggle, open for full confrontation. In doing so, we unlock immense opportunity from within – the opportunity to know & trust ourselves.

    J. P.

    Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      11. Sep, 2013

      GREAT POINTS J.P.

      very astute and solid.

      Love what you wrote, especially “The proper medication is diving into the heart of struggle, open for full confrontation. In doing so, we unlock immense opportunity from within – the opportunity to know & trust ourselves.”

      Brilliant thought!

      Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      14. Sep, 2013

      There’s no room in perfection for insecurity.

      Reply to this comment
  4. Terri Klass

    10. Sep, 2013

    Lolly,
    You provide us with such wise counsel here!

    Insecurities can be very destructive for leaders if we allow them to drive our actions and relationships. I love the line- “One of our greatest journeys in life is to overcome our insecurities..” Being vulnerable enough to be honest by reflecting on our stories is both so powerful and instructive.

    As always, I learn so much from you!

    Terri

    Reply to this comment
  5. lollydaskal

    10. Sep, 2013

    Terri

    the key to life, is to be vulnerable as much as we can with all that we do .

    It is in the vulnerability that we learn.

    It is in the loving ourselves that we grow.

    Thanks for stopping by.
    I always learn from you Terri, you are so empowering.
    Lolly

    Reply to this comment
  6. Panteli Tritchew

    10. Sep, 2013

    Hi Lolly,

    A wonderful post full of wisdom, and a great reminder that we are the authors of our own stories, and that we can’t change our life narrative unless we know what it is. Thank you,

    Panteli

    Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      11. Sep, 2013

      Panteli

      we must uncover our memories so we can discover who we are today, and not who we were when we got wounded in the past.

      deal with the wounded child within and become the leader you are meant to be.

      life is a work of progress a forever journey …

      thanks for stopping by Panteli you know how much I love our insights.
      Lolly

      Reply to this comment
  7. Karin Hurt

    11. Sep, 2013

    Leaders who work to understand their own insecurities set an important tone for their team. They make it okay to be a leader and human in process…. that’s powerful.

    Reply to this comment
  8. lollydaskal

    11. Sep, 2013

    Karin,

    You are so right.

    Leadership is a human process and that does make it powerful.

    You are brilliant thanks for sharing.
    Lolly

    Reply to this comment
  9. The Backyard Harmonica Teacher

    11. Sep, 2013

    The best leaderkind lead from behind aspiring not to prominence.

    Reply to this comment
  10. lollydaskal

    12. Sep, 2013

    our insecurities highlight what we are most afraid of but it the essence of our gift to others

    Reply to this comment
  11. John Paul

    12. Sep, 2013

    Dear Lolly,

    “Go inward and discover heart; go outward and discover your gifts.” I love this truth and you. The wisdom and insight you bring to the table is always rewarding and invaluable.

    John Paul

    Reply to this comment
  12. Alisa Martinson

    12. Sep, 2013

    Thank you for your wisdom!

    Reply to this comment
  13. Chantal Bechervaise

    12. Sep, 2013

    Loved this post Lolly! Made me stop and think of the stories that I tell and what insecurities I have. Can be a hard habit to break but once we recognize and acknowledge that we are doing it it helps us to change.
    Loved this message “Recognizing and working through our insecurities is an important part of being a heart-based leader.”

    Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      14. Sep, 2013

      We all have insecurities and awareness of ourselves is always one step closer to heart based leadership.

      Thanks Chantal for stopping by.

      Reply to this comment
  14. Ashutosh

    13. Sep, 2013

    Hi Lolly,

    A deep insight about insecurities and I must admit that unless and until a leaders gets rid of his/her insecurities, it can’t be the real leadership.

    Insecurities take a bit of you inside and don’t let you act, behave and perform using the best of your skills and talent. It feels like a bondage, something that doesn’t comes from heart for leaders who have even small seeds of insecurities in their heart.

    Thanks for sharing such deep thoughts. Its really thought provoking and I believe, the true leaders can learn to get rid of any insecurities imbibed in them.

    Reply to this comment
  15. Tasneem Hameed

    13. Sep, 2013

    Insecurities stem from leader’s weaknesses or the strengths of others. Leaders should consider them as blessings in disguise and instead of feeling bad about them try to work on them. No one is ideal, different people have different abilities, better to accept that in good faith, learn from it, expand personal abilities and become a better leader.

    Reply to this comment
  16. captain s.p. singh

    13. Sep, 2013

    dear Lolly ,
    all human are different. and insecurity is basically lack of faith in ones own self and in the CREATOR of this great universe. what was our support while all of us were one day in the womb. thus FAITH washes of all insecurities.

    Reply to this comment
  17. lollydaskal

    14. Sep, 2013

    Tasneem

    If you do not like a certain behavior in others, look within yourself to find the roots of what discomforts you.

    Reply to this comment
  18. lollydaskal

    14. Sep, 2013

    People who have trouble questioning their own leadership often have trouble admitting fault in themselves, both of which come from insecurity and lack of humility.”

    Reply to this comment
  19. Sherrell

    22. Sep, 2013

    Lolly, I love this; it is spot on and I appreciate somebody addressing it. It is such a pervasive issue because leaders are human and humans are insecure. I have to become a fan. Thanks for your heart.

    Reply to this comment
  20. executive leadership development program

    18. Dec, 2013

    This gives you a custom personal development plan suited perfectly to you and your personality.
    With each one of the following options, remember you need to scream out.
    The last two steps to take on the way toward fulfilling any developmental goal have to do
    with risk taking and journal keeping.

    Reply to this comment

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Change, the only constant in life… | Martina McGowan September 14, 2013

    […] The Wisdom Of Insecurities […]

  2. 21 Great Thoughts on Leadership Development: A Frontline Festival - Let's Grow Leaders September 20, 2013

    […] Daskal of Lead From Within brings us The Wisdom of Insecurities   As leaders, when we are honest about our insecurities we become vulnerable in our state of […]

  3. On the Wisdom of Insecurity | An Impeccable Life September 22, 2013

    […] Lolly Talks Insecurities […]

  4. Forgiving and letting go | Martina McGowan October 19, 2013

    […] The Wisdom Of Insecurities […]

Leave a Reply