Speak From The Heart

Posted on 24. Sep, 2013 by in Blog, Communication, Leadership, Leadership Development, Life Balance, Life Skills, Personal Development

Screen shot 2013-09-24 at 9.49.54 AMDifficult conversations with difficult people come in all sorts of situations and circumstances.  Often they involve a sensitive topic, and we worry about finding the perfect time and perfect place to approach it.

So how do you engage in a difficult conversation with a difficult person?

The answer is in the heart.

Anything that can be felt can be communicated, and anything that can be communicated can be managed.

 


My method of Redden Mit h’arzTM, translated from Yiddish, means “speak from the heart.” It can help you keep things positive and productive when entering a difficult conversation with a difficult person.

Speaking from the heart is not about the right time or place but about doing the right thing. It does not need to be role-played or practiced, because it comes straight from the heart.

Here are the fundamentals:

Be available: listen without having an agenda or assumptions.

Don’t think Here we go again—I will never get a chance to speak.

Be attentive: listen deeply to everything that is being said. Don’t be dismissive.

Don’t think Same as always—he always has to be right .

Be articulate: Repeat what was said, with vivid and great articulation.
Make it so vivid and expressive that your partner says, “Wow, you get me. I wish I had put it that way.”

Don’t think I’ve heard this a thousand times before.

Next, Acquiesce: Let your partner know you understand his side completely.

Don’t think I can never have a say because he won’t let me state my point.

Acquire: Tell your partner all the things that you’ve just learned from listening to him. Sincerely let him know what you have learned from the conversation.

Don’t think He always thinks he knows everything.

By now, you have placed your difficult conversation with a difficult person in a different context.

You have made room for acknowledgment, appreciation, and approval.

Speak from the heart. Open the space for being heard.

When you speak from the heart the communication is about the other, not so much about you.

When you speak from the heart it is not about reacting but about being interactive.

When you speak from the heart it’s not about frustration but about staying engaged and connected.

When you speak from the heart there are no assumptions or judgment. You are just relating on a deeper level.

When in a bind, allow the heart to lead and let the mind follow.

 Speak your mind but let your heart do the talking.

 

Lead from Within: In business, as in life, difficult conversations happen—with employees, peers, bosses, suppliers and customers, and with a partner or spouse, children, friends. To ignore or handle them badly can bring irreversible damage. Let the heart speak where difficulty resides.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

26 Responses to “Speak From The Heart”

  1. LaRae Quy

    24. Sep, 2013

    Loved this article, Lolly. I especially liked “speak your mind but let your heart do the talking.” A great piece of wisdom.

    My challenges are in listening to another person without thinking to myself “here we go again.” Listening without an agenda is the most difficult for me…and that is because my mind is leading the discussion! Taming that mind to behave and stay in its place is hard for me :-(

    It comes down to communication, and it being a two-way street. We need to communicate our feelings, and we need to be heard.

    Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      27. Sep, 2013

      you are so right communication is a two way street and how we walk that path is was matters.

      Thanks LaRae for your insightful wisdom.

      Lolly

      Reply to this comment
  2. Sam

    24. Sep, 2013

    ” Speak your mind but let your heart do the talking.” Is a brilliant phrase.

    Reply to this comment
  3. Terri Klass

    24. Sep, 2013

    This post has such great wisdom, Lolly!

    When our intentions are to just listen and not judge, we can have meaningful conversations and build authentic relationships.

    I love: “When you speak from the heart it is not about reacting but about being interactive.” There is no need for defensiveness or anger when we have conversations with our heart; just an exchange where two people give value to what each one has to say.

    Terri

    Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      27. Sep, 2013

      Terri,

      you are so right when we have a conversation its an exchange where two people give value to what they each have to say.

      and that interest is called HAVING HEART

      Thanks. Terri for your added wisdom.

      Lolly

      Reply to this comment
  4. Jon Stallings

    24. Sep, 2013

    Very important topic Lolly. I recently read the book “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High” One of the things they authors suggest is that you make sure whatever you say keeps the conversation going.

    Reply to this comment
  5. Alli Polin

    24. Sep, 2013

    When we speak from the heart, we’re one person talking to another person – no titles, no hierarchy, no need to be right trumping the conversation. In the moment, when I feel the pull of “here we go again” I’ll remember your words. Thanks, Lolly!

    Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      27. Sep, 2013

      To speak from the heart is the essence of caring for another.

      When we want to say here we go again, we must remember we are dealing out humanness of another being.

      SPEAKING FROM THE HEART is showing love to humanity.

      Thanks Alli for stopping by I do love your thoughts!

      Lolly

      Reply to this comment
  6. Panteli Tritchew

    25. Sep, 2013

    Great post Lolly. When we have a difficult situation, conversation or person to speak with, it’s because politics, ideology, beliefs, values, or opinions have clashed. These all originate from the mind (ego).

    In these cases, speaking from the heart cuts through (or transcends) this tangled web and brings the conversation to its simplist and most human level.

    Wishing you a wonderful day, from the heart. P.

    Reply to this comment
  7. Dan

    25. Sep, 2013

    So beautiful, Lolly. Thank you!

    Reply to this comment
  8. Karin Hurt

    27. Sep, 2013

    Great article. I love all the examples of negative subtext to beware of. It’s easy to let our thinking cloud our ability to show up and realy listen.

    Reply to this comment
    • lollydaskal

      27. Sep, 2013

      Dear Karin,

      Thanks for your kind words. Our thinking gets in the way of development.

      we say we want to change, we want to be better, but our patterns get in the way.

      Listen deeply to ourselves always works

      Lolly

      Reply to this comment
  9. Joe Hodgson

    27. Sep, 2013

    Well spoken, Lolly!

    Reply to this comment
  10. john paul

    27. Sep, 2013

    You have a beautiful heart. The wisdom you share, Lolly, is so true. Thank you.

    Reply to this comment
  11. Tasneem Hameed

    28. Sep, 2013

    It is a great implementation of Emotional Intelligence Lolly. It is an established fact that the involvement of heart in any matter makes it genuine and acceptable. It is all a question of first understanding the feelings, empathizing, and then expressing yours in a heart to heart conversation. But unfortunately most of us find it time consuming and try to do it mechanically and when it does not work pronounce our negative judgment about the person.
    Thanks for reminding us again about the value of heart in our lives.

    Reply to this comment
  12. Linda

    14. Oct, 2013

    I just saw this article and I agree when you are dealing with difficult or sensitive topics it is best to speak from the heart. It is difficult to mis-understand what someone means when it comes from the heart.

    Reply to this comment
  13. Ruth Rooney

    16. Nov, 2013

    Great insights, thank you! I would add that sometimes it does help to practice what you want to say out loud so you can be sure the words speak your hearts intent. Ruth

    Reply to this comment
  14. Jacquie

    25. Aug, 2014

    Hi there colleagues, pleasant piece of writing and good arguments commented here,
    I am really enjoying by these.

    Reply to this comment

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Speak From The Heart | No Exp Required - September 25, 2013

    [...] post Speak From The Heart appeared first on Lolly [...]

  2. Speak From The Heart | Business Executive Coach - September 25, 2013

    [...] Difficult conversations with difficult people come in all sorts of situations and circumstances.  O… [...]

  3. Letting Go of the Drowners | Martina McGowan - November 2, 2013

    [...] Speak From The Heart [...]

Leave a Reply