Banksying isn’t ghosting. It’s quieter, slower, and more damaging. The person doesn’t disappear. They just start showing up with less presence, less care, and less connection.
Banksying happens when someone pulls away while pretending everything’s fine. The relationship erodes, but the performance continues. The term comes from the artist Banksy, whose painting once shredded itself in front of a stunned audience. It’s the illusion of staying while quietly breaking things apart.
Conflict Avoidance in Disguise
At its core, banksying is a form of conflict avoidance. Instead of addressing issues directly, leaders retreat slowly. They avoid discomfort. They delay conversations. They protect themselves from tension at the cost of clarity and connection. What they don’t realize is that avoidance doesn’t defuse conflict. It defers it, amplifies it, and eventually makes it harder to repair.
In leadership, the signs are subtle. You still show up. You still approve decisions. But your voice is more distant. Your feedback comes slower. And the people around you start to wonder if you’ve already left the room.
After decades coaching executives, I’ve seen banksying become one of the most damaging leadership habits. I’ve watched CEOs pull back from struggling team members. Fewer check-ins. Slower feedback. Colder tone. They’re still in the room but no longer present.
The pattern is familiar. A challenge surfaces, and instead of addressing it head-on, the leader begins to pull back. The reasons sound plausible. “Too much on my plate.” “Let’s talk next week.” But each delay creates distance. The relationship weakens quietly, without confrontation, and without clarity.
The team member senses something is wrong but can’t name it. So they try harder. They overcompensate. They search for reassurance, not realizing they’re responding to a retreat that has already put them in the position to fail.
When Silence Hits Hardest
Banksying catches people off guard. They sense a shift but don’t know what’s happening. That uncertainty breeds anxiety and self-doubt. They start reading too much into every word and gesture.
The words say one thing. The energy says something else. That contradiction erodes trust faster than direct criticism ever could.
Avoiding Conflict Isn’t Leading
Banksying exposes emotional immaturity. You avoid tension instead of facing it. You trade honesty for comfort. You retreat and call it leadership.
But your team needs you to show up. When you step back without explanation, you teach them that problems get ignored. That people get left behind.
Trust Breaks Quietly
People notice when leaders withdraw. They’ve seen it before. They know they might be next. So they protect themselves. They stop asking questions. They play it safe.
The boldest voices leave first. They see the signs and won’t wait to be pushed out quietly.
If someone isn’t working out, say so. If you’re stepping back, explain it. Be direct. Be present. Don’t let relationships decay in silence. Leadership requires contact. It requires clarity. Anything less is just walking away without the courage to admit it.
Lead From Within: Real leaders don’t fade out. They lean in, stay alert, communicate with purpose, and confront conflict directly.
#1 N A T I O N A L B E S T S E L L E R
The Leadership Gap
What Gets Between You and Your Greatness
After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.
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Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness has become a national bestseller.