It’s easy to go through life looking over your shoulder. You may wonder why he has it so good, why she is so successful. You may feel envy or resentment, wishing you had what they have, assuming that what they have is what you need.
You can spend a lot of time and energy comparing yourself to others, but the effects are never good.
You feel less and want more. At the extreme, you can end up mired in hopelessness and helplessness, striving to become a bad imitation of someone else.
Instead, work on identifying your own personality, assessing your own strengths and weaknesses. Concentrate on knowing who you are and developing your best self:
Recognize. When you stop the comparisons, you can take on the more rewarding work of understanding yourself. You can never know another’s heart and mind, purpose and values, strengths and weaknesses, as you can know your own. Dig deep and reconnect with your unique qualities.
Accept. Accept all parts of yourself, good and bad. Acceptance doesn’t mean making excuses for yourself, or thinking that you’re perfect—although it is important to give yourself the same compassion and understanding that you’d give to others. Acceptance is about acknowledging the reality of your life, the place you are starting from today.
Change. Commit to Change. If you’ve been honest with yourself, you’ve found some habits of behavior or thought that fall outside your values and your sense of purpose. Once you have recognized and accepted those things, you are free to make a conscious decision to change them.
Release. The trap of comparison is that it skews your vision of yourself, making it hard to see your own “big picture,” all the things you are capable of. Ask yourself what’s missing, what you’re longing for, what you need from yourself.
Let go of what you think you need to look like and start being who you are meant to be.
The more courage you bring to your self-reflection and self-discovery, the more opportunity you will have for growth and change.
Find out what is unique about yourself and capitalize on it and remember your heart beats uniquely, to your own rhythm and reason.
The only comparison that matters is with your own past, as a way to measure the present and aim for the future.
Lead from Within: As heart-based leaders, let’s be brave enough to stop comparing ourselves to others and commit instead to a deep look inside with some honest decisions and declarations about ourselves.
Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness is being released by Portfolio May 2017.