Don’t Throw The Bear In The Road

Posted on 17. Mar, 2012 by in Lead From Within, Leadership Development, Personal Development


 
 
The other day, as I was expressing some frustration about a situation, my good friend  Jacqueline Voncken  a brilliant consultant, said something in Dutch that caught my ear.
 
 
“beren op de weg gooien”
 
 

I asked her what that meant and she said “Don’t throw the bear in the road.”

 
 

Her words stopped me in my tracks.

 
 

Throwing the bear in the road is:

  • selling yourself short
  • denying your appreciation
  • belittling yourself before you even have a chance to show up
  • discrediting your gift
  • asking “Will I ever be good enough?”
  • being self-critical
  • being ashamed.
  • second guessing
  • and wondering what other people think.

Someone says “GREAT WORK” and you reply “Oh, that? It was nothing,”  all while denying the truth, deep inside, of how hard you worked.
 
 

Or someone compliments you on an accomplishment and you brush it off, focusing instead on what you should have done better. 
 
Throwing the bear in the road is continuing in a cycle of self defeating attitude, guaranteeing dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
 
 

Throwing the bear in the road is denying our worth, wisdom, and knowledge.

 
 

Identify Your Attitude:

 
 

If you are throwing the bear in the road, you have a self defeating attitude. When you continue this attitude you may become depressed, discontented, and disoriented.

 
 

Your attitude and behavior might have worked in the past, to help you protect yourself or cope with a hurtful experience, but it will not serve you well long term. Instead a self defeating attitude will  work against you, robbing you of enjoyment of your life.
 
 

Question Your Attitude:

 
 

Step back and take the time to ask the right questions so you can gain insight to move forward.

  • Is this really how I feel?
  • Does this attitude serve me? Empower me?

Change Your Attitude:

 
 

Follow these steps:

 
 
Admit : If you have identified a pattern of self-defeating behavior or thoughts, acknowledge and admit it.

 
 

Examine: Examine how you live, speak, and ask, to recognize patterns of behavior and thoughts.

 
 

Receive: In order to stop throwing the bear in the road, you need to forgive yourself and free yourself of guilt and shame about failures,mistakes, and mishaps. Allow yourself to receive forgiveness.

 
 

Give: In as much as you have forgiven yourself, you need to forgive others. Perhaps you have been hurt, mistreated, or betrayed. To be free of the pain and anger you carry, you must forgive.
 
 

Feedback: See yourself through others’ eyes.  If you are going to stop throwing the bear in the road. you must begin to see yourself rationally and realistically, through the eyes of those around you. 
 
This new truth will help you begin to replace the BEAR that you throw in the road, creating a new image and a less distorted picture of yourself.

 
 

Release: Stop holding onto the past. Acknowledge it, learn from it, and release the hurt.

 
 

Return: Return to your true self. Yes,  this is hard work, but you must return to the present to your life and purpose.

 
 

Lead From Within: Knowing your stories, projections, issues, insecurities is an important step in managing yourself and your mindset. It takes courage to face things exactly as they are, without self sabotage and self depreciation. Be willing to see who you really are and start living the life you want to lead.

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33 Responses to “Don’t Throw The Bear In The Road”

  1. Sam

    17. Mar, 2012

    As always not only i enjoyed reading your post but i also recognized my self on it . Very instructive tips to overcome the self defeating attitude .. I congratulate you Lolly for your briallant work . You are i must admit it to you a very much inspiring person .

    Reply to this comment

  2. lollydaskal

    17. Mar, 2012

    Sam,

    Thank YOU!

    Lolly

    Reply to this comment

  3. Dirk

    18. Mar, 2012

    Being Dutch myself, I thought the initial expression was : “Beren op de weg zien” or, in English “To see bears in the road”. Which means : seeing obstacles in anticipation.
    Anyhow, I recognize so much in your blog. Previously, I called this : over-relativization of your own accomplihments , strenghts. I never thought of it as selling myself short. What an eye opener !!

    Reply to this comment

  4. Jacqueline

    18. Mar, 2012

    Being dutch, I read your article with a smile. The original expression is: ‘beren op de weg zien’, ‘seeing bears on the road’. Meaning always seeing, and focussing on, obstacles that will prevent you from reaching your goal. A ‘yes-but attitude’.
    However I like your new approach to this old dutch saying and the message that goes with it!

    Reply to this comment

  5. Samir Atalla

    18. Mar, 2012

    Thanks Lolly for the great recommendation, very true advice.

    Reply to this comment

  6. Bill Horniak

    18. Mar, 2012

    I agree Lolly! Great post, yet I think many leaders as part of their personallity are just exemplifying the humility which is so important as being a truly great leader… Thoughts? Oh by the way I pinned your post/blog. Hope ok? :)

    Reply to this comment

  7. udayan lahiry

    18. Mar, 2012

    I found you on twitter lolly and I thank twitter for it. Your absolutely brilliant, awesome, I own a hospital in india which. I manage too, your tweets are brilliant read. Thanks, keep tweeting and enriching people’s lives, udayan
    Udayan.lahiry@medicasynergie.in
    http://www.medicahospitals.in

    Reply to this comment

  8. Dorothy Dalton

    18. Mar, 2012

    As usual Lolly you have nailed the many self -sabotaging thought processes that we all go through from time to time.

    Reply to this comment

  9. gafoor

    18. Mar, 2012

    I congratulate you Lolly for your briallant work . You are i must admit it to you a very much inspiring person .

    Reply to this comment

  10. Jesse Stoner

    18. Mar, 2012

    Thanks for the thoughts to contemplate, Lolly. Next time I’m tempted to throw the bear in the road, I’ll consider a bear hug instead.

    Reply to this comment

    • lollydaskal

      19. Mar, 2012

      Dear Jesse,

      I loved your insight… The next time you want to throw the bear in the road… Consider a bear HUG.

      You are so Brilliant!

      Lolly

      Reply to this comment

  11. Tanu Tiwari

    19. Mar, 2012

    Thanks Lolly for such great post. This is very inspiring. Just now I read one post ‘Walking towards Wisdom’ by getting feedback and counselling. Your post is definitely the one which will help me in self realisation and in my journey towards Wisdom.

    Reply to this comment

  12. Tanu Tiwari

    19. Mar, 2012

    I congratulate you Lolly for such a great post. Just now I also read one post about ‘Walking towards Wisdom’. And I believe that this post will definitely help me in self realisation and will help me to walk towards my wisdom. Thanks a lot !!!

    Reply to this comment

  13. Mary Schaefer

    19. Mar, 2012

    A message I needed to hear today. Thank you.

    The point that got my attention: “When you continue this attitude you may become depressed, discontented, and disoriented.” I’m glad you included the word, disoriented. I found it curiously “right-on.”

    Mary

    Reply to this comment

  14. Kevin Hull

    19. Mar, 2012

    I really appreciate your Blog. It’s my first time reading your material and I must say I’m impressed with your insight. I believe this really applies to my situation as I really do focus on my shortcomings and downplay the things I am strong in.

    Thanks again,
    Kevin

    Reply to this comment

  15. AJ Perisho

    20. Mar, 2012

    Great post Lolly!
    It’s amazing how we don’t want to accept a compliment.
    It’s become taboo to be good at something, or people will say you’re arrogant.
    Thanks for sharing great insight :-)

    Reply to this comment

  16. Susan

    20. Mar, 2012

    That is SUCH a good quote. And what a great reminder it is for people to stop second-guessing themselves or being too harsh on themselves. You NEED to trust in yourself and your skills if you want others to see you in a positive way as well.

    It’s my first time here, by the way. Will definitely be back!

    Reply to this comment

  17. Toni

    23. Mar, 2012

    Awesome stuff. Could I kindly use this to train our Small Group Leaders next weekend @mavunochurchorg? Would appreciate. Every blessing.

    Reply to this comment

  18. Pamela

    25. Mar, 2012

    Yes! Blessed to have found you, Lolly. Having been literally chased by a bear before, I really appreciate a new reference to bears. lol This is such a good message.

    Reply to this comment

    • lollydaskal

      25. Mar, 2012

      Pamela,

      God bless you! I hope you threw the bear in the road. But not in a self defeating way. But in a triumph way.
      Bless You
      Lolly

      Reply to this comment

  19. Louis

    29. Mar, 2012

    As always, inspiring and refreshing!

    Reply to this comment

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