Archive for 'Boundaries'
Why Were You Not
Posted on 09. Apr, 2012 by lollydaskal.
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There is a tale of a chassidic rabbi named rabbi Zusya. Zusya was a timid man, a man who concealed more than he revealed. One day Zusya stood before his congregation and he said, When I die and have to present myself before the celestial tribunal, they will not ask me, ‘Zusya why were you not Moses?’ because I would say ‘Moses was prophet and I am not.’
They would not say ‘Zusya, why were you not Jeremiah?’ for I would say ‘Jeremiah was a writer, and I am not.’
And they will not say ‘Why were you not Rabbi Akiba?’ for I would tell them, ‘Rabbi Akiba was a great teacher and scholar and I am not.’
But then they will say ‘Zusya why were you not Zusya?’ and to this I will have no answer.
All of us strive to be great leaders, the best parents, exceptional partners.
But how do we know what is the right thing to do, and how do we live a life without having regrets about 'Why were you not'?
It begins with living with integrity.
To have integrity will define our lives.
To have integrity we will do the right thing because it is the right thing to do.
To have integrity is to be true to the life we have been called to live.
Having integrity is having character, consistency, commitment and congruency with your truest self.
If you know who you are you will know what to do and if you know what to do .... you will not have to be asked why were YOU not.
- your integrity is when your beliefs and thoughts and actions come together.
- your integrity is finding out the uniqueness of you and living it
- your integrity is discovering your giftedness and sharing it
- your integrity is detecting your strength and showing it.
LIVE IT. SHARE IT. SHOW IT.
To discover your integrity ask yourself the following questions:- What does integrity mean?
- What are the characteristics of someone who lives a life of integrity?
- What do you have to change to be more authentic about yourself?
- Are your decisions congruent with who you are from within?
- What are your blind spots that keep you from being real?
- What do you value?
- Do you know what is right in your heart?
Lead From Within: Integrity is the anchor of your heart; it is your commitment to being who you are deep in your soul.
Stay tuned next week as we discuss the defining source of integrity.
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Me And My Shadow
Posted on 19. Feb, 2012 by lollydaskal.
Everyone casts a shadow; we all have one.
Where we go... it goes. Where we stand, it stands… There is no escaping it.
Our shadow is filled with characters we have no wish to be, and certainly no wish to present to others; our fears, our insecurities, and our anxieties.
It’s the negative side of our personality and it’s the part of ourselves that we are often are not in touch with, or have possibly disowned.
Carl Jung says, when emotions and feelings are not made conscious, they usually manifest outside of us.
He says that our judgment, anger and pain will present itself and we will see it everywhere, and in everyone. It will attract the very people that we may often dislike and detest. Usually these people and situations are telling us more about ourselves than they are about the other person. They have come to teach us lessons...
How do we recognize our SHADOW in relationships and business?
- When our acts are unintentional and unintended. (“Oops, I didn’t mean to say that!”)
- When our interactions continuously have the same troubling effect on several people. (“Both David and Libby feel you have not been honest with us.”)
- When our negative feedback from others serves as a mirror. (“This is the fourth time you have not shown up to the meetings or even called to say you will be late.”)
- When our feelings are amplified about others. (“I just can’t believe that she would say that. I cannot believe he had the nerve to show up that way.”)
- When we are humiliated by circumstances. (“I am so ashamed about how he spoke to me.”)
- When we are extremely irritated and irrational about another person’s faults (“She really let her weight get out of control.” or “He just can’t seem to get his act together.”)
As leaders who lead in every part of our business and life, our objective should be to have an ongoing relationship with our shadow so we can:
- Gain a deeper understanding of who we are by achieving self-acceptance and expansion of self.
- Defuse negative emotions that derail us from our daily lives, to balance the light and dark.
- Secure freedom from guilt and shame that plague our negative emotions.
- Obtain clarity on how our projections color our opinions about others.
- Address our conscious and our unconscious.
- Heal our relationships by having honest and sincere self-examination and courageous conversations.
THE GIFT…
- Of being in the right place and always doing it the right way.
- Of embracing some of our disowned parts.
- Of recalling our potentially positive qualities.
- Of rediscovering who we are in our complete self.
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The Uncertain Leader
Posted on 18. Jan, 2012 by lollydaskal.
We all talk about leadership success, inspiration and motivation, but there is more to leadership and life. There are truths that we must address, and there are realities that we cannot escape.
Truth: Leaders face uncertainties.
Truth: Leaders may come upon circumstances or experiences that they cannot fix (despite how hard they try).
Truth: Leaders to some degree face fear.
Fear of uncertainty is always with us. It lies there waiting to challenge us and is waiting to call upon us - and sometimes it is the greatest saboteur of our inner leadership.
We cannot deny it.
When it comes to uncertainty, we need to comprehend that it is a personal matter. It is not THE uncertainty of life that gives us anxiety, but OUR fears within ourselves that cause the pain.
It is best to face uncertainty by including it in our thoughts and actions rather than suppressing it. Recognition of uncertainty is valuable because it helps us to guard against the things that might go wrong.
The reality of the uncertain leader may be that uncertainty may cause you complication in your life. However, identifying the source of your uncertainty is a critical part of becoming certain.
Uncertainty may cause you fear. But the fear of the unknown expands your knowing.
Uncertainty may cause you confusion. But the purpose of uncertainty is to define and focus on your clarity and convictions.
My personal note to the uncertain leader…
Let your uncertainties guide you to help you understand and prepare you for your challenges.
Do not use uncertainty as an excuse to abandon your plans.
Every important risk, every important uncertainty, involves fear. Don’t run from your fear and uncertainties.
Don’t pretend to be fearless. Don’t pretend to be certain.
If you hold on to your uncertainties rather than expressing them authentically, you will begin to distort self. Simply recognize uncertainties and learn to adapt and adjust to them.
Uncertainty is always trying to make a case for itself in our lives, because it wants us to make a stand for what we believe in. Be the architect for others to model.
Know that fear and uncertainty drag us to the bottom of where we begin to understand the essence of our leadership.
Fear teaches us who we are and it shows us that we are about to step out of our comfort zone.
Every uncertainty is an encounter with something within ourselves that we do not understand or did not take responsibility for. Do not let it lament any part of your life and leadership, because every hardship can teach us valuable lessons.
Every uncertainty is the distance between truth and leadership and the event of greatness.
Lead from within: Uncertainty is about handling our fears. Above all, it’s about helping us to live comfortably with our uncertainties so we can do better, be better and act better.
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Reward The Effort
Posted on 14. Dec, 2011 by lollydaskal.
This past week I had the privilege of sitting down and consulting with a well known CEO. He was visibly upset and some what disillusioned.
He spoke about his dissatisfaction with his team and his disappointment with the organization's results of the past year.
As he talked and I listened, I heard him say, “I do not believe in the idea of effort. I believe in rewarding results only.”
I had a hard time believing my ears. This is what I call a fixed mindset.
Here was a leader of a very large organization who expects his employees to work hard, put in long hours, make great sales, and grow the company, but then not be rewarded for their efforts. Could this be possible? Was there a way of showing him that his beliefs were the root of the problem?
For me, he was suffering from what I call “CEO DIS-EASE.”
He believed that effort was not to be rewarded. He believed that effort was for those with deficiencies. He believed that effort reduces you. He believed that people should come fully prepared and their work should be “effortless.”
Could this CEO see that he was the one keeping his organization playing small? Could he see how it was his fixed mindset that was holding them back?
Did he actually believe that we’re supposed to be perfect from the get-go; that we are born with qualities that need no effort to be cultivated?
Did he imagine that Picasso came out of the womb painting? Did he believe that Michael Jordan was an athletic superstar from birth?
How could I make the CEO understand that, even if we are a genius, even if we are the most talented, even if we are the most qualified, we still need to work at it? Improvement is a life-long pursuit. Effort is an endless process. The truth is being a genius takes effort.It is effort that ignites the ability and turns that ability into accomplishments.
I waited until he finished speaking, and then I challenged his thinking.
I wanted him to understand that effort was and is the direct link to growth and results.
I needed him to see that, if you challenge yourself, you are open to development. When you are open to development, you are oriented towards learning. And when you are open towards learning, you have a greater chance of succeeding.
But if you’re afraid of trying; if you’re afraid of taking chances; and if you’re frightened by challenges, how will you grow? How will you take yourself to the next level? If you have to be perfect, or if you have to appear to know everything, how does anyone expect you to succeed?
In order to achieve success; in order to manifest creative achievement, and in order to be rewarded with results, you need the kind of perseverance and resilience that produces a mindset of growth.
A mindset of growth begins with a knowing that you can challenge yourself; that you can take chances; that you can give it your best effort; and you can be resilient in the face of setbacks. Once you’re free to take those risks, you will achieve results, and you will create greater success.
Why is effort so scary for some?
Because when you actually try and you don’t succeed, who can you blame; what excuse can you give, and how will you acknowledge your shortcomings?
Without effort, you can say “I could have been…” However, once you try and you don’t succeed, you can’t say that anymore. You cannot delude yourself anymore.
I left the CEO with some thoughts:
You do not want to say: “This organization could have been and should have been.” When you want people to grow, to succeed, to achieve results, then you have to focus on their development. You have to focus on challenging them and acknowledging their efforts.
In order to grow his organization into something meaningful and to get it to where he wants it to be, he will have to give it his all for the things he values most. Once he begins to acknowledge the people who make the effort, and recognizes their risks, their challenges, and their failures, only then will he be rewarded without reservation.
Lead From Within: You must realize that you have to work the hardest for the things you love the most. You have to fight for it with your whole life. Being resilient and pursing with perseverance is taking yourself to the next level. And the secret ingredient to making it all work is… EFFORT.
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How Do I Love Thee..Let Me Count The Ways
Posted on 06. Nov, 2011 by lollydaskal.
I love thee.
These three words can change a person’s life. Too often, we only consider love in the context of our closest or most intimate relationships. But what about our other connections? Imagine what the phrase can do for the people who you work with.
Consider the following expressions of love and think about how you can put more love into all of your relationships…
How do I love thee?
I love thee.... without limits. The more I learn to love and appreciate what you do, the more improvement I will see in our relationship. There will be a deeper connection.
I love thee.... thru hard times. When business is slow and we are not reaching our goals, I will stand by you. In the end, love will fill us up and make us glad we have each other.
I love thee... enough to give you freedom. Freedom to make your own choices and decisions. Freedom to feel free from guilt about pretending to be someone you are not.
I love thee...without fearlessness. To create the space to tell the truth without being afraid.
I love thee....for your growth. Everyone needs someone to support them while they grow and make changes. I will stand by you.
I love thee... thru transformation. When you are seeking to understand, I will give you the space to search.
I love thee… thru all vulnerability. Allowing us to cultivate a safe haven so we can be open and honest at all times.
I love thee....with authenticity. I will love you in ways that matter ONLY to you
I love thee....for thee. Loving each person for who they are and honoring their gifts and talents will give them the foundation to launch into the success that is meant to be theirs.
I love thee leadership style: The greatest leaders are those who connect in positive and heartfelt ways to their organizations, and who do so with inspiration, motivation and heart.
Lead From Within: Learning to love others authentically and in ways that matter to them is one of the best things any leader can do.
This POST is dedicated to the ONE I LOVE.............YOU!!!!!!
Join us this Tuesday on #leadfromwithin tweetchat at 8pm est Topic: Lead With Love with our co-host @John_Paul
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Synchronicity Leadership
Posted on 31. Oct, 2011 by lollydaskal.
Most of us have noticed those moment when things go just exactly right ...
When the right person turns up at exactly at the perfect moment to save the situation.
When it feels as if the stars have aligned miraculously to move us from where we are to where we need to be.
Those moments can be called luck or coincidence. I call it synchronicity.
Many of us are quick to dismiss those serendipitous moments as flukes but when they do happen they feel as though they are hidden hands of the universe giving us what we want in a harmonious way.
What would happen if we as leaders understood that nothing of real substance happened without our say.
What would happen if we as leaders trusted that we could stop controlling every minute of our lives and in doing so... we would manifest the world around us to unfold magically.
What would happen if we as leaders detached from our assumptions so we could lose sight of what we thought we wanted and actually allowed our world to give us what is good for us. ......no great for us.
That I would say is....... Synchronicity the inner path of leadership.
Be the one that creates Synchronicity Leadership- the one who allows your inner manifestation to create an outer world of greater destination.
Lead From Within: As leaders why not allow ourselves to be led by the generating depth of consciousness which evoke ourselves to manifest a mind, heart and soul of synchronicity?
This would allow us to remove the blocks and barriers and tap into the knowledge where we know and feel we would and could create the kind of future we want.
Join us this week on #leadfromwithin tweetchat as we engage and explore Synchronicity and Leadership Tuesday at 8pm est.
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Untapped Leadership Potential
Posted on 11. Sep, 2011 by lollydaskal.
All people have untapped and untouched leadership potential. Just as all people have untapped athletic and artistic potential.
It is a given that there are clear differences due to nature and nurture and not everyone can be the CEO of a multi billion dollar corporation just as not everyone can be an Olympian or tennis winner of Wimbledon but with coaching and practice we can all be a lot better than we are.
It is never to early...It is never to late....for untapped leadership potential.
- Invest in yourself
- Take time to think
- Learn to listen lovingly
- Prepare to pursue your passion and purpose
Leadership starts from within, as you learn, love and live for yourself you will be better able to love, learn and live with others.
Take on the challenge of improving your leadership abilities and developing yourself.
Do not be the one who is Untapped in their potential.
Lead From Within: This journey of life begins with you. Leadership is an affair of the heart. Tap into your heart's desire and untap into your full potential
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Lead Yourself
Posted on 24. Jul, 2011 by lollydaskal.
Before you can lead others, You must be able to lead yourself.
If you cannot lead yourself others won’t follow you. If you cannot lead yourself others won’t respect you. If you cannot lead yourself others won’t listen to you. If you cannot lead yourself others won’t trust you. If you cannot lead yourself others won't understand you.
If you cannot lead yourself how will you make a difference?
Leadership is demanding it is created from noble disciplines. It requires an elevated sense of mastery with practice, skills, desires and commitment. It begins with leading ourselves to understanding, acknowledging, and attending to our insides. It is the fundamental and necessary building block to greatness.
Set your standards high.
Do the best you are capable of doing.
Do everything to bring forth your personal best.
To lead yourself successfully is a self knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable of.
The better you are at leading yourself the better the chance you are at having a positive impact on others.
Lead From Within: The truth is we need each other.....to learn from each other.....to lead ourselves and to lead by example, because we are joined by a common cause....to lead from within .... so we can increase the quality and quantity of heart based leaders around the world.
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Networking #leadfromwithin Style
Posted on 29. Jun, 2011 by lollydaskal.
Guest Post written by: Dorothy Dalton
Gender and Networking At 1.25 a.m. CET, on Tuesday 28th June,
I sat flexing my fingers at my keyboard, power napped and double espresso at my side, waiting with eager anticipation for my debut tweet chat with the #leadfromwithin community. Hosted by the ever generous Lolly Daskal it was a topic dear to my heart, Networking and Gender.
Northern Europe had just been struck by storms of biblical proportions. The first calamity was my TV was knocked out of action. For anyone who knows me, this is the second week of Wimbledon, the night before the men’ quarter finals! The second was about to come. My internet connection slowed down to the pace of a drugged snail. The Skype signal disappeared and with it Lolly and after 1 introductory tweet the #leadfromwithin stream drifted into cyber space.
I tried everything I could think of and finally, after 30 minutes, regained some sort of contact. Instead of there being hundreds of tweets whizzing through the stream, a few plopped gently into my line of vision. The tweets I could engage with showed me what I was missing! It was too bad! I was gutted!
This was the new networking at work and I was missing out. Building relationships with total strangers from all over the globe, reaching out and simply getting to know people better. Making connections.
I saw phrases that totally tapped into my own philosophy: be a source, not a resource, be open, give before receiving, behave with integrity, create a dialogue, listen attentively, don’t be afraid of failure and show a generosity of spirit. All of these are key to successful networking. It was great to see to my own thoughts coinciding with the #leadfromwithin values.
But what of the gender difference? Women are generally great relationship builders and tend to be social animals. Research shows, that although both men and women prefer to network with people they already know, men show a stronger willingness to network professionally.
Ladies, this is a lesson we can learn from our male colleagues and connections. We should not be afraid to make the “ask” that scares us!
The #leadfromwithin community is a wonderful place to hone these skills. It is warm, welcoming and inclusive. Lolly is leading by example to create an open community in which we can all get to know each other, regardless of background, profession, and geographic location.
Who knows what will come of these connections?
So what are you waiting for?
Spread the #leadfromwithin word!
Find the ever brilliant Dorothy on twitter and Read Dorothy
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The Meaning Of Empathy
Posted on 15. Jun, 2011 by lollydaskal.
What does Empathy mean?
Empathy is being present in the moment.
It is feeling that is happening without involving the past or the future.
Empathy is a mirroring an experience of another's emotions,
whether it be happy or sad joy or sorrow.
It is an energy of the moment- one person with another.
It is a conversation with your eyes, your heart and your soul.
Words are not empathy.
Empathy is a state of being;
you know it as a feeling of being connected one person to another.
Last night a group of brilliant leaders joined in a conversation at #leadfromwithin tweetchat.
My amazing co host was @tanveesernesser we explored the meaning, essence and traits of empathy.
What I discovered and learned is that EMPATHY has the ability to be defined in many ways. I have decided to share with you the wisdom, the knowledge and the brilliance of these fine folks.
From my co host: @TanveerNaseer: It means being aware of & understanding person's feelings & how that impactstheir perception
@LollyDaskal: Empathy is different from sympathy, as sympathy does not necessarily involve understanding @lollydaskal: A1: Empathy is the understanding of the emotional state of another individual.
@elincomm: Empathy means an open heart.
@JFeskorn: To have the ability to feel how someone else feels
@StrategicMonk: Empathy is the ability to appreciate things from someone else's perspective; to feel their feelings
@gldunnjr: Empathy is an awareness or understanding of some1's pain or frustration href="http://twitter.com/@scedmonds" target="_blank">
@dapancost: Empathy is the ability and willingness to put yourself in the other persons shoes, and allow them to impact us
@jesselynstoner: Empathy doesnt mean I know what you are feeling. It means I know how you are feeling
@DrGregWaddell: A4 Empathy comes not fm intellectual pursuits but through expanded experience.
@womanonajourney: The ability to feel what another is feeling. @Josepf: Key: Empathy does not mean agreement. Just deeply listening & co-feeling what they feel.
@OPFEnterprises: Understanding
@Cjanebe: It matters to care about other p[eople because we must understand our connection to the whole--we do not exist in isolation
@Chriscarroll50 Some people are naturally empathic, others learn it by practice
@KnowledgeBishop Empathy is acquired through trials: One must feel first, in order to "feel for
@scedmonds:empathy means I demonstrate concern for & listen to reach understanding of others ideas & feelings.
@TerriKlass: Empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else's place.
@2gracinginfinity: Empathy=a deep soulful connection w/someone else's story b/c u've been there or can feel it in ur own heart
@helenantholis: Empathy is the sense of oneness with another
@stevelaswell: Empathy is the ability to see,understand and give grace to another person
@john_paul: Empathy is an innate quality we are born with that empowers us to learn languages, it can be refined and developed.
@GRIT08: Acknowledging your view is round not square it has no corners.
@morrismichellek: When you have empathy, your heart has bigger ears than your head!
@sweetieberry: Empathy is the awareness of feelings and responses from their perspective, that may or may not be your own
@healthyolga: Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand, & appreciate the feelings of others - to put yourself in their shoes.
@UrResumeConsult: The ability to share another's feelings
@earthliz: Empathetic people ask questions and remember the answers
@Simon_GB: To listen with your heart and hear with your emotions
@Versalytics: Our ability to empathize allows us to respond in a way that is meaningful for that person
@jpgtx: A1: Intentional attempt to identify/connect/understand as best as possible with another.
@2jimweible: Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of another. Sympathy is actually feeling the feelings of the other
@PatRobeck1ofHis: Being able to listen to another's entire story, without interjecting and without offering solutions, unless asked
@juanortiztweets: Empathy means to look at every situation with an open mind, and an open heart.
@EdwardColozzi: Empathy=putting urself inside Heart&Mind of another w unconditional love 2 more fully appreciate their world
@jjunebrown: Empathy means feeling with, being with, a unity of self and other. Compassion.
@heart_path: Empathy enables me to consider another's perspective; to imagine what they are seeing, feeling, and experiencing.
@Woody_Woodcock: empathy means an authentic attempt at understanding what it might be like to be in someone's situation
@c3p0tater: a deep emotional understanding of another's feelings or problems
To read the rest please visit: Transcript The Role of Empathy In Leadership
Tell me what your thoughts are on EMPATHY.
An AUDIO GIFT from me to YOU: The ESSENCE OF EMPATHY
Join Us: Lead From Within Weekly Tweetchat Tuesday’s 8pm est.
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