“Our lives are like a chess game. The move of a single pawn affects the outcome of the game.” - David R Hawkins.
Connecting, communicating and conversing are all effects of a thought. It affects our leadership, our relationship and our fellowship.If you think about it, our thoughts are the beginning of what matters most. Our thoughts bring value to what we think, say and do.
Understanding our thoughts is the door-opener to the rewards of self-awareness and insight, and it's the ground upon which understanding rests.
The language of thought has an internal influence on us. And that internal influence can make a difference to our external outcomes.
Reflect===> Retrieve===>Relate===> Responsible===> Results===>Reward!
Reflect: By taking a moment to reflect upon our thoughts, we can stand at the gateway of making different choices. As we pause, we can practice looking at our thoughts instead of from them. Reflection is an action. Reflecting on our thoughts brings us invaluable learning and opportunity for growth.
Retrieve: To understand what someone says, we must draw upon our shared knowledge of the world, not just our knowledge of language. All of us have stored thoughts. Our past observations become our future projections. Our expectations, beliefs and past experiences affect our thinking and communication.
Relate: Until we can relate to our thoughts, we are not going to be successful in communicating with ourselves or with others. Everyone’s thoughts and behaviors are a function of their viewpoint.
Responsible: We can increase our self-awareness and improve communication as we accept responsibility for every thought, word, and deed that we think. What we think we act upon. Be responsible. In being responsible, we break down the old patterns of thinking and build new pathways of being.
Results: As we live our lives with intention, we can achieve the results for a new way of being and leading. We achieve results by focusing on our thoughts. Our results depend on how quickly we observe and determine whether the thought serves our purpose or not. We can create an intention about what we want, and get the results we are looking for.
Reward: When we are clear about what we want, our reality will follow… Then we will be rewarded.
Defining the language of thought cultivates new meaning. Without the self-awareness of thought, we would live each day as we did yesterday, and we would simply recreate the same solutions as we did the day before.
By understanding the language of our thoughts, we enhance ourselves, our families, our team, our organization, and our leadership. As we begin to understand the language of thoughts, we can see that we are consciously choosing our future.
What we think. What we say. What we do. Matters.
When we know what matters - and our mind is clear - we make the most of each moment. We can think outside the box. We can lead from within. We can develop creative solutions. We can trust our intuition. We can know the next step we are going to take. We can make good decisions, and we can act on them effortlessly.
Be the person who cares. Who thinks. Who listens. Who understands. Who communicates. Who converses and who connects deeply.
Lead From Within: Reap the benefits by understanding that the language of thought is the driver that helps you reshape your life and leadership. With this clarity, you can transform, transcend and thrive.
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Communication is a basic activity in our lives. Every word we speak is a form of dialogue.
As leaders we aim for great communication which leads to deeper connections, but most of us get in trouble when we don’t listen to one another.
Too often we speak at each other or past each other or tune each other out.
The problem may lay in the fact that we don't know what it takes to have a meaningful dialogue.
The chit chat, the noise, the transference that is going on around us is all so distracting.
Are we really listening to each other?
Are we paying as close attention as we should?
Do we understand the heart of listening?
Are we engaging in meaningful exchanges?
What we seem to be missing is the nucleus; the DNA of dialogue. We need to find its meaning.
We need to understand that applying emotional intelligence to our conversations is a sure way for leaders and organizations to accomplish what "talking" cannot achieve, and what conversations are not accomplishing.
DNA of dialogue is about feelings.
Feelings are at the heart of every good conversation and relationship. Feelings like passion and pride, silence and silliness, let us know that we are alive.
Failure to acknowledge our feelings derails us from having meaningful dialogue.
If we do not express our feelings, we run the risk of our feelings leading the conversation. Unexpressed feelings make it difficult for us to listen to others. When we feel our feelings we learn to understand others and gain insight into ourselves.
DNA of dialogue is about listening.
Listening is about paying attention with intention.
It means not just listening to the words, but listening to the unspoken words, to the space where silence resides.
Meaningful dialogue involves listening with empathy and searching for common ground.
It’s about learning to listen from inside out. Listening can transform any conversation once we learn that there is more than meets the ear.
DNA of dialogue is about respecting.
Respect makes space for us to hear what others are feeling and thinking.
When you respect others they respond. They respond by letting their thoughts and voice to be heard. "I learn from you as I allow you to speak". Respect permits my mind to be open and my heart to hear.
Meaningful dialogue requires that all the participants have equal standing, and that they listen with respect and empathy.
DNA of dialogue is about suspending.
Suspending is exploring new ideas and perspectives, and bringing unexamined assumptions into the open without judgment.
Suspending makes room for where something is and where something is becoming.
It’s not about being right or wrong, or better or worse. Meaningful dialogue happens when we suspend our opinions, step back, change direction and see with new eyes.
DNA of dialogue is about voicing.
Voicing is about asking open ended questions, instead of wanting to persuade and get our way.
Perhaps we should permit another to speak, to question, and to reason. Maybe we could voice our compassion and concerns. Meaningful dialogue is aimed at fostering mutual insight and common purpose.
By voicing care, we may hear from another and we may learn something significant that changes the way we process problems.
The fact is that people who learn the DNA of Dialogue have a new approach for dealing with the most challenging conversations. It provides both a deeper and heightened sense of freedom and flexibility in difficult communication.
The profound power of meaningful dialogue achieved is by harnessing the best of the collective thinking.
It becomes a whole, instead of the voice of one. It becomes the voice of many that are working on the problem, situation or circumstance.
LEAD FROM WITHIN: No matter where you stand in life, learning and leveraging the DNA of Dialogue will help with all human relationships and leadership.
This post has been inspired by @mjasmus, a thought leader on Twitter. A few weeks ago she wrote an amazing post Dialog as a Radical Act If you have not been to her blog, please visit and visit often. I know I do.
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We all talk about leadership success, inspiration and motivation, but there is more to leadership and life. There are truths that we must address, and there are realities that we cannot escape.
Truth: Leaders face uncertainties.
Truth: Leaders may come upon circumstances or experiences that they cannot fix (despite how hard they try).
Truth: Leaders to some degree face fear.
Fear of uncertainty is always with us. It lies there waiting to challenge us and is waiting to call upon us - and sometimes it is the greatest saboteur of our inner leadership.
We cannot deny it.
When it comes to uncertainty, we need to comprehend that it is a personal matter. It is not THE uncertainty of life that gives us anxiety, but OUR fears within ourselves that cause the pain.
It is best to face uncertainty by including it in our thoughts and actions rather than suppressing it. Recognition of uncertainty is valuable because it helps us to guard against the things that might go wrong.
The reality of the uncertain leader may be that uncertainty may cause you complication in your life. However, identifying the source of your uncertainty is a critical part of becoming certain.
Uncertainty may cause you fear. But the fear of the unknown expands your knowing.
Uncertainty may cause you confusion. But the purpose of uncertainty is to define and focus on your clarity and convictions.
My personal note to the uncertain leader…
Let your uncertainties guide you to help you understand and prepare you for your challenges.
Do not use uncertainty as an excuse to abandon your plans.
Every important risk, every important uncertainty, involves fear. Don’t run from your fear and uncertainties.
Don’t pretend to be fearless. Don’t pretend to be certain.
If you hold on to your uncertainties rather than expressing them authentically, you will begin to distort self. Simply recognize uncertainties and learn to adapt and adjust to them.
Uncertainty is always trying to make a case for itself in our lives, because it wants us to make a stand for what we believe in. Be the architect for others to model.
Know that fear and uncertainty drag us to the bottom of where we begin to understand the essence of our leadership.
Fear teaches us who we are and it shows us that we are about to step out of our comfort zone.
Every uncertainty is an encounter with something within ourselves that we do not understand or did not take responsibility for. Do not let it lament any part of your life and leadership, because every hardship can teach us valuable lessons.
Every uncertainty is the distance between truth and leadership and the event of greatness.
Lead from within: Uncertainty is about handling our fears. Above all, it’s about helping us to live comfortably with our uncertainties so we can do better, be better and act better.
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Who was the last person who actually listened to you?
Who was the last person you actually gave your full attention to?
I know what you’re thinking. YOU listen all the time. But do you really?
Do we understand what it really means to listen? Do we comprehend what is the Heart of listening?
Do we realize that every person we will meet has something to teach us? Perhaps our job is to listen long enough to find out what that lesson is.
Isn’t it true that when people speak to us, we tend to jump right in and give our advice, our feedback and our judgment? And all too often we find ourselves fixing, lecturing or interrupting with way too many questions. We listen not as an act of curiosity, but rather for a chance to give clever responses.
We are all guilty of this because we are all human.
In order to reap the benefits of listening, we must let ourselves develop and expand our ability to concentrate and pay attention.
Listening with Heart is a skill - A skill that can be taught and can be learned, but most definitely must be developed.
The Heart of listening consists of:
- Listening with heart is to summarize your understanding of what was just said.
- Listening with heart is reframing what you have just heard.
- Listening with heart is not a passive skill, but an active art.
- Listening from the heart is letting others know you understand what they said.
- Listening from the heart assures others that you are really listening with your whole body; eyes, ears and all.
If we are going to expand our KNOWLEDGE, we need to listen.
If we are going to be SUPPORTIVE, we need to listen.
If we are going to be RESPECTFUL, we need to listen.
If we are going to be COMPASSIONATE, we need to listen.
If we are going to illustrate EMPATHY, we need to listen.
Listening is the sincerest form of flattery and shows the deepest form of connection.
In order to live a life of leadership and meaningful connection, we have to consciously choose to slow down, give up our own agenda, and develop the capacity to focus on others by making an effort to fully understand them.
Socrates states, “Nature has given us two ears, two eyes and but one tongue to the end that we should hear and see more than we speak.”We need to cultivate Heart about the ways WE listen.
We need to simply give our undivided attention to another without imposing our own personal agenda.
Sometimes, this might take a little practice.
It is a generous act of giving when we allow someone the space to be exactly who they are and exactly who they are not. This takes the ability to authentically listen with Heart.
In organizations, poor listening is responsible for the loss of billions of dollars due to unnecessary mistakes, lost opportunities, ineffectiveness and deficiencies.
In relationships, poor listening is responsible for disconnectedness from our families, loved ones, friends and customers. It is the cause of breakdowns and break ups.
If we could hear our words, our comments, and our feedback through the ears of our listeners, we might be horrified with our insensitivity and negativity.
The Heart of listening requires focus and a desire to learn and gain perspective. It takes effort to realize our inner barriers we have built towards others, which we must learn to put aside.
By listening with an open Heart, it is love in action. By listening with mindfulness, it is the way for making every interaction become memorable.
Lead from Within: The Heart of listening is a gift to yourself and others. everyone you meet can impact and change your life.
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I have heard from so many of you about your New Year’s resolutions.
I know some of you are excited by them and some of you are already weary of them.
CONFESSION: I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions.
What I do instead - every year - is I check in with myself, through self reflection.
In my self-reflection I ask:
Am I standing for what I truly believe in?
Am I showing up for what is most meaningful to me?
Am I living by my principles?
For me, my principles are my drivers, year after year, month by month, day by day, and hour by hour.
My drivers ALLOW me to live my purpose with passion.
So I ask you today...
Do you have principles that you stand by?
Do you know what your principles are?
Do you recognize that your principles let others know who you are and what you stand for?
Do you understand that principles drive your attitude and your actions?
Do you understand that, if you have no principles, you may not have a full understanding of the big picture of your life - personally and professionally?
Did you realize that your principles are your WHY?
Principles contain the important elements of your life, like being honest, being kind, and being loving.
Principles are all about the things you want to achieve in your life and how you intend to achieve them.
Principles are about being the best at what you do because you stand for something.
Principles guide you to stand for the things you care about most.
Keep in mind that identifying and cultivating principles is not something you can just sit down and say, “Okay, here they are!” It’s not about making a list.
Principles develop slowly and over time.
Principles evolve bit by bit. Essence by essence. Dedication by dedication. Insight by insight Foresight by foresight.
You develop your principles as you mature, and you refine your principles by understanding what has the most meaning for you.
Once you understand and can identify your principles, you’ll be rewarded for a lifetime.
Principle drives perspective. Perspective drives action. Action drives decisions. And decisions drive living. Not just living, but living a life full of purpose and meaning.
If you don’t like the life you are living, look at your decisions. If you don’t like your decisions, look at what actions you take every day. If you don’t like your actions, then look at your perspective of life. And if you don’t like your perspective, then look at your principles.
Defining your principles will help you build your values and your beliefs. It will help you cultivate a life that you admire in others, and one that you have been dreaming for yourself.
Think now about what is important to you…
Discovering and defining your principles will help build your character, your attitude, your self confidence, your influence, your peace of mind, and your purpose in life.
Lead from Within: Principles are principles for life- it’s NOT about just knowing your principles, but actually living them daily. Defining your principles will help you with everything: How you act, how you think, how you react, how you serve, and how you lead.
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Dear Beloved Community,
I appreciate you and I am filled with enormous gratitude.
Each and everyone of you have filled my heart this past year with so many blessings.
Each of you are unique, valuable, worthy, and irreplaceable.
Each of you are one of a kind, knowing and gifted.
Each one of you are making a difference.
You have depth and heights which are powerful and expansive.
There is no one in the world quite like you.
This year allow yourself to lead with love, embrace your family, organization and loved ones with all the love you can muster.
You are Heart Based Leaders the world needs.
From my heart to yours,
All the best in 2012!
Lolly
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Reward The Effort
Posted on 14. Dec, 2011 by lollydaskal.
This past week I had the privilege of sitting down and consulting with a well known CEO. He was visibly upset and some what disillusioned.
He spoke about his dissatisfaction with his team and his disappointment with the organization's results of the past year.
As he talked and I listened, I heard him say, “I do not believe in the idea of effort. I believe in rewarding results only.”
I had a hard time believing my ears. This is what I call a fixed mindset.
Here was a leader of a very large organization who expects his employees to work hard, put in long hours, make great sales, and grow the company, but then not be rewarded for their efforts. Could this be possible? Was there a way of showing him that his beliefs were the root of the problem?
For me, he was suffering from what I call “CEO DIS-EASE.”
He believed that effort was not to be rewarded. He believed that effort was for those with deficiencies. He believed that effort reduces you. He believed that people should come fully prepared and their work should be “effortless.”
Could this CEO see that he was the one keeping his organization playing small? Could he see how it was his fixed mindset that was holding them back?
Did he actually believe that we’re supposed to be perfect from the get-go; that we are born with qualities that need no effort to be cultivated?
Did he imagine that Picasso came out of the womb painting? Did he believe that Michael Jordan was an athletic superstar from birth?
How could I make the CEO understand that, even if we are a genius, even if we are the most talented, even if we are the most qualified, we still need to work at it? Improvement is a life-long pursuit. Effort is an endless process. The truth is being a genius takes effort.It is effort that ignites the ability and turns that ability into accomplishments.
I waited until he finished speaking, and then I challenged his thinking.
I wanted him to understand that effort was and is the direct link to growth and results.
I needed him to see that, if you challenge yourself, you are open to development. When you are open to development, you are oriented towards learning. And when you are open towards learning, you have a greater chance of succeeding.
But if you’re afraid of trying; if you’re afraid of taking chances; and if you’re frightened by challenges, how will you grow? How will you take yourself to the next level? If you have to be perfect, or if you have to appear to know everything, how does anyone expect you to succeed?
In order to achieve success; in order to manifest creative achievement, and in order to be rewarded with results, you need the kind of perseverance and resilience that produces a mindset of growth.
A mindset of growth begins with a knowing that you can challenge yourself; that you can take chances; that you can give it your best effort; and you can be resilient in the face of setbacks. Once you’re free to take those risks, you will achieve results, and you will create greater success.
Why is effort so scary for some?
Because when you actually try and you don’t succeed, who can you blame; what excuse can you give, and how will you acknowledge your shortcomings?
Without effort, you can say “I could have been…” However, once you try and you don’t succeed, you can’t say that anymore. You cannot delude yourself anymore.
I left the CEO with some thoughts:
You do not want to say: “This organization could have been and should have been.” When you want people to grow, to succeed, to achieve results, then you have to focus on their development. You have to focus on challenging them and acknowledging their efforts.
In order to grow his organization into something meaningful and to get it to where he wants it to be, he will have to give it his all for the things he values most. Once he begins to acknowledge the people who make the effort, and recognizes their risks, their challenges, and their failures, only then will he be rewarded without reservation.
Lead From Within: You must realize that you have to work the hardest for the things you love the most. You have to fight for it with your whole life. Being resilient and pursing with perseverance is taking yourself to the next level. And the secret ingredient to making it all work is… EFFORT.
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Suspend Your Seeing
Posted on 03. Dec, 2011 by lollydaskal.
This past week, my daughter came home with an art project. It was a still life drawing of a pail, some books, a bottle and a pitcher.
She was having difficulty with the perspective and with the shading. She was feeling frustrated and perplexed at why her drawing didn’t resemble the still life she was trying to duplicate.
As I looked at the art work she handed me, I realized immediately what was keeping her drawing from looking like the original.
I asked her, “Did you draw the books, bottles and pitcher the way you think they are, or did you draw what you actually see?”
At first she didn't understand what I was asking.
I explained to her that when it comes to drawing, we need to stop our habitual way of seeing and perceiving. We need to pause and see what we really see - Not what we think we see or what we think we know.
I told her that though she might think she sees all of the angles of her objects, the reality is that she only has a partial view of each of the objects.
She smiled. She saw instantly where she had gone wrong.
In business, just as in drawing, once we correct our seeing and start suspending our perception, our perspective becomes clearer.
When we draw, when we speak, when we lead others, when we are looking for change in our organization, there is always much more than what we initially see.
A simple adjustment in our perspective can give us the true dimensions of our organization.
The slightest pause in self reflection can give us greater insight into our relationships.
We all make decisions, we all make moves, and we all see. But still there are failures.
Some change initiatives end up going nowhere, not because they lack vision or noble intentions, but because our everyday awareness is based on what we think we see. If we want to succeed in this rapidly changing world, we must learn to see reality.
Seeing reality involves suspension.
It’s about pausing…
Not destroying, deleting, or discarding what we think we see.
Suspension requires hanging onto to our assumptions that are right in front of us, while keeping our minds open to what can’t always be seen initially.
Suspension means noticing our perceptions, our thoughts, our mental models, and our habits as the working models of our mind, and not what actually exists.
Most of us accept reality the way it is presented to us. However, when we can suspend, we can begin to see that our thoughts and assumptions have less influence on what we see.
Suspension allows us to “see our seeing.”
Lead From Within: When we are learning something new, we can often feel confused, perplexed and disappointed.
Our “not seeing,” can keep us from staying fresh, current, and from keeping things in perspective.
Where can you learn to “suspend” so you can have a new perception?
Where can you redirect your attention so you can see the new perspective?
Drawing: By Zoe (still a work in progress)
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Look In The Mirror
Posted on 27. Nov, 2011 by lollydaskal.
What is the difference between a leader and a heart based leader who leads from within?
leader
One who leads or conducts; a guide; a person who inspires and motivates, a conductor. A leader can also be described as “a person who can enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task.
heart based leader
is someone who looks to the needs of the people and asks how they can help solve their problems and promote personal development. They place the main focus on people, because only happy and motivated people are able to reach their goals and meet expectations.
Both a heart based leader and traditional leader want to serve, inspire, and motivate.
The biggest difference between the two is that the leader who is a heart based leader and who leads from within is willing to look at themselves in the mirror.
To lead from within means having the courage and the willingness to look in the mirror first.
To be a heart based leader is to dig deeper; to look at yourself without judgment, not afraid to see the truth.
To be a heart based leader is to see the dark and the light, the shadow, the ego, the gifts and the greatness.
When you know yourself, you can begin to master leading yourself. And if you can lead yourself, you can model the way for others.
However, most of us are so accustomed to exploring and examining others that we often don’t take the time to examine ourselves.
And there can be consequences for not taking the time to look inward and examine ourselves. After all, who is the one determining the direction of your organization?
You are.
Who is leading the company and making the decisions?
You are.
Who is the one everyone looks up to for guidance, answers and support?
You are.
So if you’re not examining yourself, and you don't know yourself, how strong a leader can you be?
The key to success and the principal of leadership - is knowing yourself.
How do you begin to know yourself? How do you start to understand your own inner workings and feelings?
It begins with looking in the mirror.
Review: First and foremost, review who you are and what you stand for.
Reread: Reread the stories you are telling yourself and others. Are they still true, or have you changed and grown in the past few years?
Reflect: Take the time to reflect and to examine what you think, what you feel, and how you’re acting.
Remove: Remove the barriers from your heart that keep you from inspiring and motivating yourself to move towards your best life.
Revamp: Revamp those habits you want to change and start implementing skills that better serve you.
Recognize: Recognize that there are internal scripts - thoughts that serve you and other thoughts that don’t serve you. What kind of messages are you sending yourself?
Responsibility: Take responsibility for what is happening in your life. The world is what you make it, and you are 100% responsible for your own life. With leadership comes responsibility; to yourself and to those you are leading.
Renew: Renew the things you like – no, love - about yourself. If you’ve lost things you love about yourself, renew them and start living again.
Rethink: Rethink what values, beliefs, gifts, and strengths you have, and start implementing them in your life and share them with others.
Recover: Recover yourself. Rediscover who you were - the person with vision, ideas, and dreams. Allow yourself to be that person you were before life began to take over.
Remember: Remember who you are at your heart center. Leadership, servanthood, and mastering life is not about learning new skills or about core competencies, it’s about remembering who we are as human beings and letting go of what no longer serves us.
Ask yourself why you are here; what is your purpose? What can you contribute; how can you make a difference; where can you make things better?
True power comes from listening to the heart and from having the commitment to clear all that stands in the way. Lead From Within is not a training program; it’s not a learning a new skill; it’s not a paradigm shift. It is all that you know already... Look in the mirror-
It is the reviewing, reflecting, removing, revamping, recognizing, renewing, rethinking, recovering, and remembering. It is all the wisdom, skills, and processes you already possess. All that you need, you have in your heart.
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Send Letters of Thanks
Posted on 19. Nov, 2011 by lollydaskal.
This week is Thanksgiving.
Let's make the time to pause to self- reflect on how fortunate we are for all the things we have been given this past year.
What if we took the time to send letters of thanks to the people we care about?
Let's acknowledge the people who constantly support us.
Let's appreciate those who unconditionally love us.
Let's recognize the leaders, teachers, mentors, coaches, that make a difference.
Let's be grateful for our health, work and play and the gifts bestowed upon us.
Make the time this week to write your Letter of Thanks. Remember we are called to serve and to walk together with thankful hearts and compassionate souls.
Lead From Within: As leaders we have the responsibility to role model appreciation, gratitude and recognition. Who will you acknowledge today, this week, this Thanksgiving? Who will you write a thankful letter to?
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